Tl;dr.... I (34f) have been with my bf (37m) for 13 years and I know it's over but can't seem to escape. He stopped caring when I was diagnosed with cancer, I went through treatment alone, and now I'm stuck. Help.
Hi. I feel so dumb for even posting this but even dumber for being stuck in this situation.
My boyfriend (37m) and I (34f) have been dating and living together for 13 YEARS. Yep, 13 years. There have been more downs than ups I think... and yet neither of us seem capable of just ending it. We've been together so long and our lives are so intertwined it would be like an actual divorce. No kids but we own a house together (I know I know).
I stopped expecting a ring about 7-8 years ago. We used to talk about marriage a lot but that stopped a very long time ago. We always kept saying I Love You and being fairly physical until December 2019, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
I had a double mastectomy and have something called expanders, which is like the precursor to breast implants. Ever since my surgery on 12/10/19, he refused to hug me because he said my expanders hurt him when I hugged him. I had to fight cancer during a global pandemic essentially alone. He stopped offering up I Love You back in February 2020, right when my hair fell out from the chemo. During a time when I needed comfort and support and hugs the very most, I had none. During a time where I was literally fighting for my life, I had nobody. I would watch other people at the cancer center with SOs wearing dumb supportive shirts and delivering flowers and holding hands, while I sat alone. He didn't celebrate with me when I finished chemo or radiation. He doesn't cook or clean or give thanks when I do... I'm like his mother. I spent 10k to freeze my eggs before chemo destroyed my ovaries and now I dont think I'll ever get to have kids of my own.
And still we play this game. I don't know what to do or how to get through this. That's a lie. I do know what I want to do, but I have a big surgery coming up next week with a long recovery time. How do I break free? How do I deal with the house we bought?
Tonight I told him goodnight and I love you and he only replied with "goodnight" as I walked upstairs to sleep in my bed, alone. Please tell me to just end it. Help ❤
Submitted February 12, 2021 at 10:27PM by lightsyouonfire https://ift.tt/3tQVp6B
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