My [38M] son's friend [16M] has been staying with us throughout the pandemic. After he came out to my wife [37F] and I as gay, my wife has decided that he is no longer welcome to live with us.

Hello all. Normally I wouldn't post something like this to Reddit but I've been receiving mixed advice from friends.

My wife Anna (not her real name) and I married and had a child immediately after graduating from college. I have always wanted to have another, but she did not and does not want a second child. I respect this, and for the most part I've gotten over my feelings about it.

My son David has a friend named Max (both 16M - also not their real names), whom he has been very close to since Elementary School. In February of 2020 Max's grandmother became ill, so his mother moved upstate to take care of her. As Max's father is out of the picture, Anna and I decided that it would be fine for Max to stay with us. I received a promotion in the Fall of 2019, and combined with Anna's steady income, taking Max in was no strain on our financials.

I did not expect to grow close to Max, but I'll admit that now, almost a year later, it feels as though he's my second son. He and David have only gotten closer during the pandemic, and Max has never once been rude or ungrateful. I love Max as a son just as much as I do David-- it's difficult to imagine Max no longer being a major part of my life. I imagine that both my desire for another child and Max's previous home life without a father figure have played a part in this.

Anna's WFH schedule has been heavier than mine, so she has not gotten to know Max as I have. Longer work hours leave her stressed, and I understand this. However, in the past few months, she has become very cold toward Max, and often outright ignores him while they are in the same room together. The only thing that changed is that three months ago, Max came out to the two of us as gay. It did not change my opinion of him, which I made clear during the conversation. Anna, for the most part, was quiet, which I took to mean that she was also accepting.

In January, I reached out to Max's mother to discuss the possibility of establishing legal guardianship of Max. His mother has agreed to this, and said she would file a letter of consent when asked. When I brought this up to Anna, she was very upset. I've tried talking about the situation with her, but any time I mention it she shuts the conversation down and leaves the room. Her relationship with Max was fine until he came out to us, so I can only assume that her problem with him is his sexuality, though she's never made it clear to me. After a few days of this I let the topic drop so that we can maintain peace between us.

The other day, Anna sat me down while David and Max were at school. She told me that because the pandemic is scaling down, it's time for Max to leave us. She asked me to contact Max's mother again to see if there are any relatives or friends that he could stay with for the remainder of the school year. I told her I would not. She said that she would file for divorce if I refused, then left to stay with a friend for a while. In the argument she claimed that I value Max more than her, which is not true. I do not think she understands that both David and I would be devastated if Max left, as he is a part of our family. Max has already had a difficult life and I do not want to make him feel unwanted by throwing him out so abruptly. I do not want a divorce, but I also do not want to let him go. Not only have I converted my home office into a bedroom for him (Anna and I have separate working spaces at home), but I also have been saving money to put into a college fund for him. I am at a complete loss as to what to do. I can't picture my life without either of them.

TL;DR - My son's friend has been staying with us throughout the pandemic. I have become very close to him and consider him my second son. A few months ago he came out to us as gay. Since then, my wife has been extremely cold to him. She is now threatening to divorce me if I will not find other living arrangements for him.

Submitted February 11, 2021 at 02:32PM by throwRA0963796 https://ift.tt/3d6grbs