So I've been married to my husband [29M] for ten years. He was my first boyfriend. My first everything. Long story short we have had a rocky marriage with a lot of ups and downs, but I love this man with my whole heart. I always will.
He had 2 instances of physical infidelity. I forgave both and he went to therapy about his drinking and cheating. The last time was 4 years ago so it's not a fresh wound at this point, but I do think about it.
I stay at home because I have an art business, so everything I do is from home. He's military so he's gone quite a bit. These last 2 years I've been really struggling with the alone time. I really want kids but my husband doesn't, and so our conflicting life goals have also been a point of headbutting in the relationship.
I have a male friend [28M] that lives across the country. We talk almost daily. We've been friends for 2 years. He recently confessed that he has feelings for me and we got talking and realized we have similar life goals. I was feeling insecure in my marriage and we got talking about what it would be like if we got together and things kind of snowballed to the point where I now believe I'm having an affair. Nude photos were exchanged. We talked about what it would be like to go on a big camping trip together (a trail I've been wanting to do for years, him too). Real, tangible affair territory.
He (my friend) knows I'm married and that I'm feeling conflicted and having a hard time and he said "let's not label anything, I'll wait".
I was so hurt when my husband cheated, I literally can't believe myself that I've gone and done it. I literally can't imagine my life without my husband, for the downs we've had 100 more amazing ups in our relationship. And yet I feel these feelings for my friend that are undeniable, we are so compatible. I just don't know how to even tell my husband what I've done, or what to tell my friend about where things will go. I just don't know what to do.
I don't want to lose either of them in my life, and yet I feel like I can't commit to doing anything with either of them either way. Do I stay with my husband or leave, do I make a move to change my life and be with my friend or don't. It feels like I want all the options and none of them all at the same time. I know I'm not entitled to forgiveness from my husband if I do tell him, yet I feel jaded about that because of all that I've forgiven. I just don't know what to say to anyone and the guilt is eating me. Advice?
P.S. I know it's a horrible, shitty thing I've done. I know.
TL;DR how do I tell my husband about an emotional affair.
Submitted February 10, 2021 at 02:57PM by fhai199 https://ift.tt/2OhQYBd
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