Me [32M] and my fiancé [33F] have a 1 year old together. We have been together for 6 years.
I knew my Father never liked my now Fiancé when we dated but when we announced her pregnancy that was the straw that broke the camels back and at that point my Father tried to get me to leave my girlfriend. We come from a conservative and traditional Asian background and social status is important. Looking at it from that POV my girlfriend and her family would be considered below ours. I believe he didn't like her for this reason at the start but now it has ballooned into something else entirely.
I made it clear that wasn't going to happen and that is when we stopped talking. Between being upset with him, navigating through COVID, moving into a new house and learning how to be a father its been about 1.5 years since we last spoke and only started again this year.
In that time he has never seen my daughter or fiancé. Not only has he not seen them he won't even acknowledge their existence in any conversation. He made a rule where they were not allowed in his house and he will not visit mine. My mom disagrees with this but won't speak up about it over my father.
The one that is losing the most and I feel absolutely terrible about is my Mom. She wants a relationship with her granddaughter but is constantly being pulled back by my Father into his world where they don't exist. I can tell from speaking with them together these last few weeks they have been constantly fighting about this and my parents relationship looks toxic. I asked my father some tough questions and he admitted to not caring about my mom's happiness and only being together because its "practical". This seriously upset me and made me lose any respect I had left for him but in the end he is still my father and I know he did his best to raise me.
My gut tells me an intervention is needed because it can't be healthy to pretend your granddaughter and soon to be SIL doesn't exist especially when your wife wants a relationship with them. We are planning to grow the family, move into a bigger house and get married in the next year or two and it would be nice to keep the family together for that.
The other hand he is old and maybe we should let him live the life he wants since there is not much time left. This is the route my mom seems to be taking at her expense. My fiancé seems to agree with this as well and says I shouldn't try to force a relationship on him he doesn't want.
TL;DR! - Father pretends my family doesn't exist. Should I intervene or leave him alone?
Submitted February 11, 2021 at 10:25AM by Last_Minute_4400 https://ift.tt/3rMDSdE
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