Is it wrong for me [24F] to cut contact with my long time friend [24F] because of her abusive relationship?

My friend Leslie and I have been friends since middle school. She has a history of emotionally toxic relationships but her most recent one with Henry is the worst one she’s been in.

Leslie & Henry met very shortly after her break up with Brandon (she tends to enter new relationships with almost no recovery time in between). They began dating and she ended up spending a lot of her time with him. I thought everything was fine at first, met him and he seemed normal, until her mother tipped me off that something might be wrong. She explained to me a situation where Leslie called her very upset because Henry was screaming at her in public and being incredibly mean while on a vacation. This was my first time hearing about something being wrong, about 3-4 months into their relationship.

Over time Leslie revealed to me many of the problems they had. I can’t list everything but here are some examples: screaming at her in public so much people would intervene, kicking and punching her car so much it is dented, relying on her for money, screaming at her over the phone, accusing her of cheating, threatening suicide, etc.

I found myself worrying for her constantly. I would stay up late watching her location on find my friends. I’d speak with her on the phone while she cried, I had her over during fights where she couldn’t be alone. I listened to her tell me she was afraid to break up with him, that he knew where she worked and lived. But she always went back, and I always helped her when it went south again. During their final big break up, Leslie ended up with bruising on her body and the police were called. But it was over.

Unfortunately, she entered a new relationship within a few months of ending it with Henry. This new guy was similarly emotionally abusive, but it was long distance (due to the pandemic) and I felt at least she was safe, but urged her to break up with him and to begin attending therapy.

Well, she broke up with him after about 6 months. And got back with Henry the same day. She’s hiding this from me now, but I can tell that has happened because of the way she dodges questions, how little contact she has with me again, and her Snapchat maps which indicate her in places where she always used to be with Henry.

My ultimate problem is that I’m not sure I can deal with her being with Henry again. I want to cut contact with her for my own sake, because my anxiety was through the roof last time and I’m not sure I can deal with it again. It was a year of non-stop worry last time, but at the same time it feels incredibly horrible and selfish of me to draw that boundary.

She acknowledged to me that he was abusive, that it needed to end, but is still back with him now. I understand the nature of abusive relationships, but this is a choice she is making for herself and while I love her and always will, I’m not sure I can stick around for it. Is it wrong of me to want to cut contact with her entirely while this relationship runs its course again, or is it okay to draw a boundary for myself?

TL;DR: Friend of more than a decade re-entered her abusive relationship, I want to cut contact because of the anxiety and distress it caused me. Is it okay to do this or am I leaving her in her time of need?

Submitted October 23, 2020 at 10:41PM by PossiblyBadFriend https://ift.tt/35JL1SX