For reference we are all in our mid 30s. My bf and I have dated for three years and lived together for one. He has been her best friend for longer than he knew me but I'm not sure how long.
In the beginning he was open about his friendship and they hung out sometimes. His family all told me she was a great girl and that I'd really like her. Then we finally met and she was OK I felt a little jealousy but she's a very huggy person and was SO excited to see my bf like over the top. But it's his close friend and I pushed that feeling aside because all I had heard was great things and I want him to have happiness. They hadn't hung out in a bit and I can be the same way when I miss my friends.
I don't ever see that girl physically again. When we move in together is when I realize that they text and talk all day every day. And they only use Snap chat to talk. From what I've seen it's very emojis and selfies mostly, he did show me some of their chats and a couple of them were "I love you so much and miss you! ". Which I tell my female friends but I would feel so weird doing that with a male. Is that weird?
So we talk about it and I do get very upset. I ask him how they met and I get radio silence. I ask if they ever slept together and he BLOWS up. Telling me how disgusting the thought of that is. I feel like an asshole and leave it alone. But I can't leave it alone because they continue talking every day and every time his phone goes and i peek (just at the screen not open it) ... It's her. Also during this time he feels so distant and he says it's because he feels like I'm always watching him now or I don't trust him. Also I feel why would he get so upset and not just tell me the truth.
I ask him to invite her to join us to places, I end up actually asking her directly to hangout. But that failed and the one time she wanted to hangout he made other plans for us that day and that was that. He said it was weird of me to ask her since I wasn't really her friend and she thinks I hate her. I don't think he ever understood how much I really just wanted to get to know this girl. The other girl who he can tell everything to, and cares about enough to talk to every day. I don't even care so much about them talking so much. I care more that he always kept things about her secret and would go to the bathroom like ten times an hour with his phone. I don't even know one regular hobby or thing they did as friends! Not even one funny friendly story!
Anyway eventually I do find out elsewhere that they did in fact sleep together in the beginning of their friendship. Multiple times but it was more FWB than a relationship. I keep this inside and then bring it up to him after she's texting him again and he gets so upset. He said he never told me because he knew I wouldn't like her from the beginning if I knew. He said he didn't want to have to stop being her friend. And i even told him then "now things are all out in the open, and I'm not mad at her. I'm mad you lied about her and made it weird"
So then he told me he's going to block her on everything and just ignore her forever. Which makes me feel and look like a total asshole especially to the one girl I really wanted to have as a friend. He said she was really upset at him for ghosting her and that I should know how badly this hurt her. I told him I wanted to talk about this because I never wanted him to ditch her as a friend just let me be her friend somewhat too. But he told me he never wants to speak about this again?
Should I reach out to this girl and apologise or should I try to bring it up again? I feel like sick from how awful their friendship ended. I feel like I have a lot of apologising to do and I just don't know where to start. Has anyone been in this situation?
Tldr: he dropped his closest friend for me and I feel awful
Submitted October 24, 2020 at 05:09PM by throwitallaway454545 https://ift.tt/37ELWGM
No comments:
Post a Comment