Just found out my husband has been working reduced hours

Repost as original got removed.

TL:DR my husband (36M) has been working way less hours than he’s been telling me(37F), sticking me with all the household work.

———— My husband and I have been married 9 years, together 13.

So at the beginning of the pandemic my husband’s work transitioned to work from home. I’ve been on maternity leave since December.

Every morning my husband gets up and goes into his office in the basement. He has always worked for 9 hours, plus a 30 minute lunch. He continued to work the same schedule. I get up with our 3 boys, 5, 3 and 10m. I do everything, (ETA before 4pm) feeding, naps, art projects, take them to the park, dentist, doctor, etc. I also do the vast majority of the house work, and cook dinner. I was totally fine with this, since my husband was working and if he was out of the house I’d be doing it anyway. My husband was also very much a team player after work, putting almost as much time in as I do doing chores after dinner.

So I barely go into the basement since I don’t want to disturb him. But I needed a hammer so I went down. The office door was open, which is unusual. As I was passing I heard him on a call with his boss. She was saying something about a project, and “starting to work your full shift”

I got my hammer and as I was passing again asked him what his boss meant. At first he said she was making a joke, but that didn’t ring true with her tone. It sounded very professional and matter of fact. So I kept asking him, and he came clean.

Turns out he has only been working 2-3 hours in the morning due to reduced work, then spends the rest of the day on Netflix. While I have been drowning in childcare and housework, he’s been rewatching the office and Daily Dose of Internet. I feel so betrayed. I’ve have been working SO HARD. He gets payed he same no matter how much he works. He just needs to answer his phone once in a while, which he does evenings and weekends anyway. He’s had this 6 moth vacation while I have been working myself to the bone. I have no idea how to process this. What should I do?

ETA Just a few things I’ve seen over and over in the comments.

1. He’s a good dad. He feeds, changes, brushes teeth, does bedtime, reads books, does art, teaches reading, helps with school. He often takes the older two to the park. I have absolutely no qualms about leaving the boys with him for any length of time. He knows what he’s doing.

2. I can’t leave him with the kids for a week because I’m still breastfeeding the youngest.

3. I’m thinking couples counseling is the way to go. He’s always been my rock, this is totally out of character. I’m not sure I want to leave him, but I just need to understand WHY. And maybe more important, I need to know he knows how badly he hurt me. I need to process this. I do know that tomorrow when he’s done his work he’s coming upstairs and helping.

Submitted September 24, 2020 at 03:36PM by PM_ME_UR_DICK_DRAWIN https://ift.tt/33Zx2an