UPDATE: I caught my (24f) boyfriend (26m) talking to findoms again and I finally left. He never changed. He never wanted to.

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I wasted another year of my life by trying to help a person that never helped themselves and I'm paying for it in every way imaginable. I introduced him to the r/stopfindom subreddit, we went to therapy three times (only initiated when I caught him), I tried avoiding it, I tried confronting him. Nothing worked because he never stopped"the cycle."

I was going to study abroad in Asia in December and I did not need this on my mind before I went. So very impromptu on Nov. 16, I decided I could not be with him anymore. I was sick of feeling used and lied to about something that he didn't need to lie about. I didn't have solid proof. I just had it mentally because I felt he was hiding something from me. And he wasn't trying to fix our relationship at all, even though he swears up and down he did.

Instead of handling it well, he shows me an engagement ring his mom gave to him as I was breaking up with him and begged me to stay again. We didn't speak at all while I was away and I wish it stayed that way. I came back early January and our lease isn't up until February so I decided we could live together until then. And it was great until Monday, or at least I thought so anyway. We were talking openly about our feelings and he kept apologizing for everything that went wrong. He still wanted to be my friend. (Hard no.)

It wasn't until this last Monday, that he got a new phone and switched over his sim card to his new one. While he was at work his old phone kept going off so I looked at it. I fully acknowledge that since we aren't together I had no right to go through his phone but the shit I found makes me feel no guilt what so ever. If anything, I'm proud I can see him for who he actually is.

I found out he went to see one of the doms he was cheating on me with in LA and never stopped talking to her, even before we broke up. And in $15K in debt from sending multiple doms money (SN: he always told me one of the traits he doesn't like about me is how badly I handle money. HAR HAR. Projecting much?)

After I saw this I puked, packed a bag and left. I texted him that I am leaving and unless it was about the apartment, I never wanted to hear from him again. We've been avoiding each other since. I've been slowly moving my things out and putting it in storage and I just feel emotionally defeated.

I went through three months worth of messages and found a few interesting things other than the nudes, videos and pretty subpar sexting. He acknowledges that he lied and that he had an intimate connection with her. To which she replies, " That's called deceit not cheating." He's glad that it was her. Glad that he can finally make someone happy. Glad he can please his goddess. Glad to be "free". Upset that I never understood him.

wow. what a goof lol.

He is so disillusioned and addicted to this lifestyle that he genuinely believes she cares about him and that he's in the right. He thinks she's actually his friend, while she goes out to dinner with her boyfriend with his money and using him for emotional support (something he complained about to her about me. And how he loved emotionally fucking with me.)

She is being paid thousands of dollars to stroke their ego though, so I think I would understand that you have to keep the customer happy. She got $500 off of that LA visit which is pretty impressive if you ask me.

I feel like I should say that I respect sex workers and everything they do A LOT. But this specific dom is manipulative and has no boundaries. She is a half baked amateur at best who really has no clue on how to even pretend to know what she's doing. She gives actual doms a bad name.

Anyone who is a proper dom and actually cared about their subs well being would never do the shit that these two concocted. Like sending me a picture of her ass and saying she only did it because he asked her to. Asking him how he's going to spoil me today and him telling her that he's going to take me to get my nails done as a surprise. Him telling her how unappreciative I am of his gifts because they don't feel genuine (which they weren't lol.)

I never consented to any of this and this shit has fucked me up for life. But get this, she's an advocate for mental wellness. What a joke.

She praised him for getting out of a toxic relationship and was glad he could be "free" from all of my nagging and that I wouldn't hold this over his head anymore. (again, either she's really good at customer satisfaction or a really shitty person. More than likely both.) But he never told her that I was the one who actually ended the relationship.

But yeah, he never changed. He talked a big game but is so deep into his addiction and himself that he's willing to risk everything for it.

I should have listened to everyone's advice and left when I had the chance. I shouldn't have moved in with him. Instead, I was emotionally abused by a narcissist who felt that "he did everything he could." A direct quote he said to the findom he never stopped talking to for the past six months.

To those that are questioning and still have hope for the hopeless, get out while you can. You can’t change anyone that does not want to change themselves. You can’t convince someone they’re in the wrong once they see that they’re in the right. You may think that other people may not know them as well as you do. It’s just something you tell yourself to avoid the actual truth of that you’re sacrificing yourself for someone who won’t even do the same for you. Take care of yourself first because you’re only damaging yourself in the long run.

Sorry if this looks all over the place btw. As happy as I am that I made the decision to leave, I am super depressed and feel like I failed. I know this is all his fault, but I feel like I should have seen this coming. That besides this one thing, he was amazing. But it was a lie. Reddit really helped me the last time and that’s the only reason I’m posting here. Because I haven’t slept in the past three days and could really use some support and will probably regret posting this later lol.

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tldr; I left my lying findom addicted ex and while i'm emotionally destroyed and angry, I'm glad I left. Send good vibes.

Submitted January 19, 2020 at 10:52PM by hurtbuthopeful_12345 https://ift.tt/2THzwH4