So my GF (35) and and I (37) lived in separate cities for a couple of years, about an hour's drive away.
For a while I worked in the city she had an apartment in, so we saw each other frequently and the relationship naturally got serious. Last May she got a job in my city and we moved in together into my place. We've been talking about kids and marriage for a year or two, both of which we agree is the next step.
The last six months have been pretty dramatic. In my opinion there's been red flag after red flag since we've moved in together, but she doesn't see anything wrong.
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She quit the job she got about 2 months after moving in with me and spent 4 months finding another job. She did find something but it pays a third of what the last one did, but she claims it's perfect as it's low-stress. I have to contribute more to the bills because of this so I'm annoyed it happened so soon after she moved in.
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She went on anti-anxiety meds a month after moving in, and disclosed that she was on them a few times in her life. Not once in 4 years did she mention this to me before. I'm fine with her being on the meds, but not fine with her not telling me. She won't go to a therapist to discuss why she's back on them but given the low-stress comment about the job and the timing I suspect it's related.
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She doesn't want me going to the gym as she doesn't want me talking to other women. I told her flat out that this is controlling and unhealthy behavior. She did actually relent on this and now I go about 3 times a week for an hour - only after I confirmed I wasn't going to a gym near work so I wouldn't bump into co-workers.
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She wants to go back to university this year and has been saving up for a few years to do it. I encouraged it and think it's a great idea. But when I talked about doing a course myself (in a different university so it's not like I'd be on campus with her), she said she doesn't want me to as I have enough qualifications and it would take away from her achievements. I'll be honest in that this started a nasty fight as I told her that again this is an example of controlling behavior as it sounded like I can't better myself in this relationship.
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She has serious issues with the hours I work, 9am to 6pm. I leave at 8.30am and I'm usually home at 7pm/7.30pm - rush hour delays me sometimes. In my opinion these are perfectly normal hours. Maybe once a week I'm home at 8pm due to meetings or whatever so my weekly hours are between 40-45. She has extremely strong opinions that I should be out the door at 5pm and home by 6pm - no exceptions. I found out recently it's because both her parents worked jobs that allowed them to come home early around 4pm - apparently they were home to meet her coming from school. She wants the same thing for our kids. I told her that her parents lifestyle is not our lifestyle, but she doesn't seem to accept that.
A year ago if you'd asked me I would have told you we would have been married by the end of 2020, but now I'm honestly not sure if I want the relationship to continue.
If this is what I see after six months, is it only going to get worse? Am I over-reacting?
TL;DR: Moved in with GF of 4 years, she's exhibiting controlling behaviors but says I'm over-reacting.
Submitted January 19, 2020 at 06:58PM by throwaway242377P https://ift.tt/30Dlrfg
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