My wife’s parents make their own rules at our house, I try to set boundaries, but she takes her parent’s side. I’m tired of fighting, and am ready to end things. Am I overreacting?

Me: M37, wife: F34, relationship length: 9 years (7 of marriage)

Long post this isn’t anything new, but me noticing it is. When my in-laws come to visit, they basically make their own rules, and my wife defends them. This is everything from disciplining our pets, or wearing shoes in the house (we’re a no shoe house) to buying furniture, with our money, to buying materials and building shelving units (with our money) and without running it by me (I was out all day training for an event).

Recently I’ve had the presence of mind to start setting boundaries when the in-laws come, shoes in the house now don’t happen (though MIL makes a production of it). The shelving unit got stopped mid build. My wife claims she sees the problem and wants to fix it. But stuff keeps happening.

My MIL is in town right now and this morning I heard her and my wife talking loudly in the kitchen early in the morning. My wife and I normally try to keep things quiet downstairs until 8am as we have an Au Pair who’s bedroom is on the first floor right by the kitchen. I went downstairs to remind them the Au Pair was sleeping, and my MIL immediately said there was nothing they could do about the loudness because she’s partly deaf, when I suggested they talk upstairs my wife snapped at me “I just needed to make breakfast for the baby!”. I normally make breakfast for the baby, and we normally eat after 8, anyway I don’t think there was a good reason to be loud downstairs that early.

I’m not really sure what to do about this, I feel like my wife prioritizes her parent’s feelings over our family. We decided together about quiet times for our Au Pair, it wasn’t even my idea but I think it was a good one, but when her parents are in town it’s like she stops thinking for herself, and it’s just about pleasing her parents.

We’re currently in counseling, but I’m not sure if I’m willing to keep trying to work on this. If her priority is her parents, maybe she should move back in with them. I am seriously considering ending it. Am I overreacting? I hate the thought of what this would do to our baby, and I would worry if she got full custody.

Thank you

TL;DR My wife’s parents do whatever they want in our house without asking my permission, and ignore house rules my wife and I decided on. However when they are here my wife takes their side, and is more focused on pleasing them than supporting our family. I think I’m ready to end it, am I overreacting?

Submitted January 26, 2020 at 03:46PM by gropethegoat https://ift.tt/3aHkF5w