First off, I understand that some may blame and judge me. As I’m typing this up I’m realizing it’s difficult to convey how quickly this happens and out of control it is. I’m a nice and genuine person. I don’t lead people on for attention and I avoid hurting them at all costs.
I (F28) seem to fall into this situation over and over again. I’d hang out with guy friends and all of a sudden we’re dating. I never drop hints or give signals or act playfully. I make sure my body language is very platonic. I am unromantic as possible and I purposefully slide in the fact that I hang out with other guy friends into our convos so that it’s clear that I hang out with guys as friends all the time. I often say “hey let’s invite so and so” and when we are in groups, I make a point to hang out with everybody else in the group and not have him or anybody else think that we’re an item. I don’t text them all the time or confide in them like one usually would with a close friend. Yet, our convos change from “let’s get wasted” to “I miss your smile”. Like WTF...
It must be something I’m doing because this happened with several guy friends. And they’re friends I’ve known for years through previous studies, work or other life connections ...it’s not like a Tinder “friendship”. I feel like a shitty human for somehow unknowingly leading them on, and not realizing till they start saying these things. I don’t know how to prevent it and how to respond to it. It doesn’t feel right to refuse to hang out all of a sudden although I try to make excuses as much possible. Their reaction is to show extreme understanding and willingness to “accommodate my busy schedule”.
I really want to say “I’m not in the right place to get involved” as if I just decided not to pursue a relationship because it’ll hurt them the least. But that’s tricky and a complete lie because I kinda am dating somebody romantically in early stages. I feel like a shitty human cz now it’s as if I’m playing several men at once and I’m not that type of person. It all happened so quickly. I just wanted to maintain good friends.
I’ve lost friendships because of this in the past and it looks like I’m about to lose a couple more. I know I will have to tell the two guys that currently started thinking I’m dating them and I understand that I may lose them but it’s what’s fair for them. But what do I say?
How do I prevent this from happening again? Should I stop hanging out with guy friends all together ? Is there something I could be doing that makes them think I’m romantically interested? I’m puzzled and riddled with guilt.
TL;DR my guy friends often think I’m romantically interested and start assuming out hang outs are dates. I don’t know what I’m doing that gives off that vibe.
Submitted January 01, 2020 at 06:35PM by Exhausted_Chameleon https://ift.tt/35drDer
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