My ex left me and our 4 kids after he finished med school and now, after 2 years he seems so mad at me.

--- **TL;DR;** : My husband of 20 years left me after he finished med school. We have 4 kids together and even though I'm nice to him, he treats me poorly and seems resented towards me. How can he be mad if he was the one leaving? what should I do if my goal is that my kids have a nice relationship with him?

This is my first post here and I think it could be therapeutic so it's a long. My English is not perfect so you'll find grammar mistakes, sorry.

I am coming out from a very dark place, if it wasn't for my 4 kids I think I wouldn't be here.

I married my ex in Argentina 22 years ago, he is American and he was working there as a missionary in my church. We married, had our first child and after the church went into crisis and split up, he told me that we needed to move to USA. It was hard to move here because I really liked my life in Argentina and I love my family but I did it and I fell in love with America.

My ex husband changed jobs a lot, he seemed unhappy with every job he had. Once he told me he was jealous of me because I had a job I loved, I'm a visual artist and I was doing very well at that time selling my artwork at festivals and galleries around town, so I told him to follow his dream job and I will be there supporting him. We had 4 kids and when he told me he wanted to go to med school I got scared but I was supportive (you can't have a job when you study medicine)

We moved to Virginia from Texas because he was accepted to only one school and it was in Virginia. It was a huge change for the whole family. I did jobs just to survive like childcare at my house since the art scene in VA is very different. He was gone all the time and at the end of his school year he left for 7 months, coming only once a month, for out of state rotations.

Because most of the out of state rotations were not mandatory, my kids and I resented his absence. My kids begun to act up, fighting all the time, treating him very poorly also. I had an argument with him when he told me that he was applying for Neurosurgery in California. I told him for the first time no. I didn't want Neurosurgery (7 years of residency at very low pay) and I didn't want to move to California. He signed up anyways.

The day after he came from his last out of state rotation (almost 2 years ago) and a month before his graduation from med school, he sat me down and told me that he didn't love me anymore. I tried to convince him to go to marriage counseling but he stopped after the second meeting. surprisingly he got the residency in California as a neurosurgeon and he asked me to move there with him, not as a couple but separated. I told him I didn't want to move to California and my kids begged me to go back to Texas and that's what I did.

He dropped me off in Texas with $300 and kicked me out of all banking accounts. My father in law helped me to buy a house and paid for the remainder of what I owed of my car (my father in law loves me like a daughter) My ex got upset in the beginning because he said I was using his inheritance. but I had to pay the mortgage anyways, is not that he paid the house in full.

Even though he acted like a jerk, I thought about my kids and how much I want them to have a good relationship with their father so he comes to visit every other month and stays here with us. He calls my phone to talk to the kids and I do my best to make my kids to talk to him (they don't want to talk to him that much) I even pick him up from the airport.

I have a clean conscience about how I treated him. I treat him well even when he is a jerk but he seems mad a me. When he calls he always throw jabs at me. If he talks to me, he always tries to guilt me with something. He criticizes the house every time he comes, like "hey, why didn't you put shelves in the kids rooms" "you need to clean the gutters more often" "when was the last time you changed the filter?" "why is the ice crusher not working?" "you gained too much weight, you will get diabetes" he also makes fun of me when I say I'm a single mom of 4 as if I'm using it to make people feel sorry for me.

When he told me "you should look for a boyfriend so our 8 year old son has a male figure in his life" I told him, "I don't have time and who is going to want to date a single mother of 4? and you son has a dad" he told me I was making excuses and I should move on.

Why is he doing that?? I don't understand why he is treating me like that after all I did for him. He was the one who left me! I know he was sad when I said I wasn't going to California but I gave him warning BEFORE he applied and who can expect his ex to follow him around and move to an area she doesn't like and has no friends?? I have no family here, the only people I have are my friends and everyone in in Texas. I need some advice... people tell me I'm too nice but I don't do it for him or me, I do it for my kids.

Submitted January 25, 2020 at 01:50PM by adrisart https://ift.tt/2RO3wOZ