We've been dating about 14 months and living together for about 6 months. That's sooner that I typically would have moved in with someone, but some life circumstances (somewhat related to this post, actually) occurred that made it make a lot of sense for us to move in together when we did.
He is 30 and lacks a lot of what I would consider to be very basic life skills for someone his age. He cannot cook. I don't mean that he doesn't cook *much,* or that he would prefer not to - I mean that he flat out does not understand the first thing about food preparation and has never possessed the slightest inkling of intellectual curiosity to teach himself how.
He hates the grocery store because he has no idea what he's doing there. I asked him to stop and get some chicken on his way home once, and he legitimately got anxiety about it because he had never bought chicken before in his life and didn't have a clue how.
We generally get along well, but one of the bigger conflicts that we've had since moving in involves housekeeping. I keep a pretty tidy place, and while he isn't the filthiest person on earth, it's a constant battle to get him to chip in. He doesn't clean up after himself and leaves things like candy wrappers and napkins all over the house. The other day, he was having some peanut butter and crackers in the kitchen. When he was done, he simply walked off without putting anything away. He didn't even put the damn lid back on the peanut butter. I don't expect a spotless house, but I do expect anyone I'm living with to chip in on housework and *clean up after themselves.* He is not consistent with either. I don't feel like I should have to teach a 30-year-old man how to keep a decent house.
His behavior bleeds into his work life as well. He's on his third position (same company, thankfully) since we've started dating, and he hasn't liked any of them. He hasn't been particularly successful with any of them, and seems to almost be bouncing around without finding any real stability. I'm starting to worry that the common denominator is him. He wants a better job or a career that he likes more, but he doesn't seem to have any real drive to actually do anything about it.
It was a struggle to get him to meet any of my friends when we first started dating, because he feels socially awkward and inadequate compared to a lot of people. We are going to a dinner party with some of my more interesting friends this weekend, and he's been terrified about it all week because they're all pretty successful people and he doesn't know what to say or how to have a conversation with a group of people he feels threatened (?). This one is especially weird to me, because they're all super nice people who would never look down on someone for the things he's worried about. I've been coaching him here-and-there this week on things he could talk about or bring up, but honestly it feels ridiculous to have to do so.
There are other areas that this affects. I have to remind him of appointments and things like that or else he'll forget. I have to stay on his ass to get him to take care of things like submitting for work reimbursements. If he has a medical situation that needs addressing, I damn near have to call and make his doctor's appointments for him.
People who have been in this position, is there any hope? Are there any things I can do to push him in a positive direction?
TL;DR - my boyfriend is lacking basic skills in a lot of areas (home, work, social). It feels like I'm dating a teenager sometimes. Is there any chance of improvement, or is this just....how it's gonna be?
**[Edit]** Someone requested that I include the fact the he was diagnosed with ADHD when he was younger but is currently unmedicated.
Submitted January 23, 2020 at 02:14PM by chase_chase_case https://ift.tt/38EnVwv
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