I don't think I [28M] can cope with my fiancee's [26F] PTSD anymore and I don't know where to go from here.

We've been together 8 years and engaged for 4. We haven't gotten married yet due to lack of funds + both of us wanting to wait until she finishes school. We've talked about our future together - house, kids (adopting), etc.

She has PTSD from over a decade of childhood abuse. I won't go into the details, but it was incredibly fucked up and I can't imagine surviving what she did. She's made great strides for as long as I've known her, and is the strongest, most resilient person I've ever met. I knew going into this that if I was marrying her, I'd be marrying her mental illness, and that has always been okay. I've always been there for her, and I love her, so supporting her is just second nature.

However, I turn 29 this year, 30 next year, and I fear the things we've dreamed of, planned, and talked about aren't ever going to happen. I took a work from home job when we moved in together to keep an eye on her after a really bad breakdown, so while I don't make a lot, the freedom is nice and being able to support her when needed has been great.

She's in a reputable study from home university working towards her degree, which she does at her own pace, but constantly falls behind, takes personal offense when I remind her to finish an assignment, and just shuts down when she gets overwhelmed, leading to a cycle where she feels bad and does nothing. I've tried helping her with this but she says it's not my place and that I shouldn't be hounding her to do something as she already feels bad as it is. It's been like this for the entirety of our relationship, not just with school, but I attended a support group for partners of people with PTSD, and learned you just kind of have to take it as it comes and not take offense to it.

That said, I feel like I've hit a wall. I can't get a new job for fear of leaving her alone. I can't save to buy a place of our own (we live with her dad but pay the bills / our own food + I'm still working on paying my student loans off) because she can't currently work (to her credit she has tried a dozen times and hasn't been able to handle it). She helps out when she can with little money she gets from her disability benefits though. Intimacy is about as rare as water in the desert unless it's cuddling and hugging. Sex itself only happens in super specific ways (which I'm not satisfied with at all, but I'm not getting into this because my libido has been completely shot the last year from stress).

I don't know if I can cope with this anymore, and I know if I keep going, I'm going to completely tank this relationship. I don't know how to further support her. She's in therapy and it seems to work for short periods of time, then back to where we started. I could really use some advice because I really feel like I'm losing my mind here.

tl;dr: Fiancee has PTSD and I feel burned out from feeling more like a caretaker than a partner. Not sure what I can do to cope or make things easier.

Submitted January 27, 2020 at 03:18AM by cantdealwithwifeptsd https://ift.tt/2RQQakV