Hi reddit i don’t even know where to start.
My wife and I married young, only having just celebrated our 1st anniversary. When we were dating we both “NEVER EVER” wanted children. But as our love grew deeper we both came to fondly look forward to the possibility of children. Eventually we both knew we’d like to start a family together sometime.
Suddenly, baby rabies hit her hard. We talked about children and I told her my ideal timeline was when I was 29-30. At the time that would be 4-5 years. She was okay with that.
Until she wasn’t. She talked me down a a year. I agreed to compromise as it wouldn’t kill me and if she was longing for children so badly then it was a compromise i was willing to make.
Then that wasn’t enough for her. She wanted to try sooner than that. I didn’t want to budge. She kept wearing on me and wearing on me.
“Okay, we’ll try sooner. 2 years” She agreed until she didnt. “Fine - a year and a half” Same story.
which leads us to our “agreement” to start trying this Fall. The problem is, I never wanted this. I’ve felt anxious knowing this calendar year is the year we are meant to start trying. I almost don’t even know if I want this or not - I just know I got steamrolled into giving her HER ideal timeline at the absolute expense of mine.
We have been having communication problems recently and arguing a lot. We came together to talk about our marriage and how we can be better partners. It was a great conversation: until I brought up wanting kids later than she did.
She start sobbing. Telling me everything she’s planned in life from the job she’s taken to the kind of friends she has revolves around having kids. The thing is, I never asked her to do this. I am the breadwinner and I don’t think we are financially in a great place for kids. I think our relationship would suffer.
Ideally, to me, I want to enjoy “us” longer. We are a young, married couple who make good money for our age. Keyword: for our age. We both like to travel and adventure. I am not willing to lose that yet. Idk from my perspective what is waiting another year or two max? She is nowhere near a time where she could be barren.
Is this that much of a deal breaker? She says she doesn’t know if she wants to be with me anymore. I WANT kids with her but I want to enjoy our new marriage for a bit longer before a baby has to become the priority.
I see so many arguments on here about one person wanting a baby and one person not. Where does a couple with a slightly different timeline stand? We have an apt with a therapist next week.
TL:DR: Young wife wants kids NOW, young husband wants to wait 2 years. she says this may be a deal breaker. What are our options?
Submitted January 22, 2020 at 05:34PM by jesuschristdad https://ift.tt/2Gfgik9
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