I’m 23, my boyfriend (24) and I have been dating for a few years. He had a female painting professor (in her forties, she has a husband and young child, she is a relatively famous painter) for a semester in undergrad who he became close with and kept in touch with. We live in New York and she now lives in LA. My boyfriend and the prof have emailed with each other back and forth for about a year and a half, seemingly inconsistently and they would talk about art and painting and how to get by after graduating art school. He used to tell me what they were discussing, and ask for my opinions on the topics. It seemed totally harmless and like a healthy mentor/mentee relationship, and he seemed to get a lot out of her advice. Recently, (within the last two or three months) they have started texting (and talking on the phone) instead of emailing, I assume to speed up the conversations that get drawn out over email. This seemed fine at first, but they started texting more and more, and now they text almost all day every day, carrying on drawn-out conversations. I will see him texting her CONSTANTLY, at all hours. A few weeks ago they spoke on the phone for almost four hours, from 11pm to 1am NY time. Again, this seemed harmless at first, because they were initially talking about art, but the endless conversation he has with her has become all-consuming. I’m not someone who has ever gone through a partner’s texts, but last night I borrowed my boyfriend’s laptop to edit some photos for work, and I opened the computer only to see that his text conversation with her (in the iMessage app on his MacBook) was the only window open. Over the course of just that day they had been sending so many messages to each other about personal subjects, and she told him she was falling in love with him. Granted, this was in the context of a conversation about the ways love exists in friendships outside of physical relationships and the way one can project on to people they don’t know well, but still. Their text message conversation I saw was wordy and incoherent, but still startling and obviously upsetting. They talk all the time and I can’t help but feel that this is exactly what an emotional affair is. I also do not understand why a married woman who is 20 years his senior and has a child (and is a well respected contemporary painter) would want to speak this way to one of her ex-students, and possibly compromise her marriage. I know my boyfriend probably thinks she possesses a lot of wisdom but i can’t help but think that a woman who would engage with a younger man in this way must be emotionally stunted. I’m not sure what I hope to gain from posting this and I also don’t know if this is something worth confronting him about, and don’t know how I would confront him. From the conversation I saw it seems that they plan on meeting up to talk ad nauseam about everything they’ve discussed over text and email the next time she comes to New York. I just feel like he is being completely consumed by a very intimate and never-ending conversation with this woman, and I don’t know what he is trying to get out of it in the long run. If they’re talking about falling in love, platonic or not, this is a sort of affair and I don’t want to stand completely idle, but also do not want to accuse him of anything when nothing physical has happened (and may never happen). I know this is all very specific but if anyone has any advice or insights I’d love to listen.
Xoxo
TL;DR My boyfriend (m24) has been texting his older professor (f42) nonstop for months and they speak about very personal matters. She told him she is falling in love with him. I need advice on speaking to him about how uncomfortable it makes me.
Submitted January 21, 2020 at 12:06AM by booty_call_911_ https://ift.tt/2NJ7MxU
No comments:
Post a Comment