The love of my life [F31] can't be with me [M35] because she claims I'm dating my daughters [F6&F9] mother [F38]

Let's start from the beginning. I was in a loveless marriage. We had two amazing daughters together. The relationship was like living with a roommate I had kids with. I tried to go to therapy to work on my issues and I did what I could to fix things on my end but my ex-wife didn't seem interested in saving the marriage.

I was terribly depressed and was consuming more and more alcohol. In a stupid act of desperation I saught out a local chat app and tried hooking up with someone randomly. I didn't end up hooking up with anyone but instead met someone online that I started talking to. Let's call her Stella.

Fast forward six months. I had realized what a mess I was in. I realized how wrong it was to stay in a marriage I was so unhappy in and now I had evolved feelings for this girl online. I had the talk with my ex-wife and I left.

I had told Stella about details of my marriage while chatting and she had helped me build up my confidence again. I started meeting her and soon enough we were a couple. This was the relationship I had dreamt of for my whole life and I have never felt so loved or at home like I do with Stella. We would go on spontaneous trips, sleep under the stars, the sex was out of this world and the way we connected was like pure magic. The best thing is that the longer we stayed together the more powerful this connection grew. The sex just got better and I felt in a way like the description of meeting a soulmate.

Not only did we have this deep connection but she was also fantastic with my daughters. She has such a beautiful loving heart and everything was perfect. Except. She will not accept that I meet my ex.

I'm trying to be a mature parent. I left my ex when my daughters were 3 and 6. My oldest remembers me living with them and both of my daughters wish I lived with them at their mother's. The current setup is they live with their mothers during the week and every other weekend. Every other weekend they are with me. I also have "dates" one evening with each daughter to get some alone time with them. I live 15 minutes away and can pop by whenever they need me. To make communication and co-parenting as good as possible for my daughters I've also started doing something together with them and their mother once a month. This month we all went to see a Christmas show together. Me and their mother don't talk that much since we are doing this for the kids. We aren't very interested in each other's lives anyway and are just doing this for the kids. The kids really really love that we do this and it mens a lot to them.

So, Stella calls this dates with my ex. She says that this is incredibly unnatural to her and she thinks that I'm missing my ex and that I secretly want to get back together with her. She left me and says that if I'm going to keep on dating my ex then she can't be in a relationship with me. I'm trying to explain to her that I'm just doing this for my children. I tell her that she means the world to me and I'd do anything in my power for her but that what she's asking me will hurt my children.

Side note, I have tried balancing things differently. For a while I would try having minimal contact with the mother because how much it was stressing Stella, but this made it really hard to co-parent and it hurt my daughters because they didn't understand why I was avoiding their mother and didn't understand why we couldn't just be friends. They thought I hated their mother and didn't understand why Stella hated her either. Their mother only spoke fondly of Stella even though Stella was completely ignoring their mother.

I've tried to come to my senses with this whole thing. I love Stella in a way I didn't this was possible. I always thought I couldn't love like this. She says she loves me the same way. I've tried moving on but I miss her so much it hurts. She says she misses me the same way and we often end up messaging each other with love letters that turn ugly as soon as the ex comes up.

Sorry for this long message. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm doing the right thing for my daughters but is Stella maybe right? Should I teach my daughters the hard facts of life that an ex is an ex and that I just have to stop seeing their mother? Is doing things like this overkill with the mother?

TL;DR! I'm madly in love with a woman that hates that I have a active cooperation with my daughters mother so much that she can't be in a relationship with me even though we both love each other so much that we both are in agony now missing each other like teenagers.

Submitted December 25, 2019 at 01:29PM by bluecado https://ift.tt/2SCjzBF