Yesterday I [37] read my boyfriend's [27] journal - I know, my bad. He is planning to dump me. What to do?

I know I shouldn't have done it but sometimes the urge is stronger than me. So yesterday I read my boyfriend's journal. I noticed that one page was torn and I checked in his trousers' pocket and I found the missing sheet. What I read was awful, but definitely I kinda looked for it.. if I didn't do that, I wouldn't have known. He said that he finds me boring and that he misses flirting and having sex with other women. He was considering how long we still have to be together and came up with about 2 months and that his goal was dumping me, so he needed to find a way to do it. One of the reasons why he finds me boring is because I don't take drugs and I don't really drink much. I do prefer to have fun and have good conversations when I am sober. I have loads of interests and I do enjoy myself even if I don't drink. But apparently this is not enough for him. When we started dating, we both agreed that we were going to be in a polyamours relationship but then we never really did it. Starting caring about each other, we became monogamous and we started living together 1 year ago. We have been together only 1 year and 3 months, so it has always been very fast forward. I didn't expect to read what I read. In the last few days he was super cute and sweet, caring and more supportive than ever. He also wanted to buy an icecream maker with me! I am so broken inside. By the way, because I can't keep secrets and I find it difficult to lie, I told him straight away and obviously he was really annoyed that I read his journal and said that I wouldnt have gone through all of this if I didn't. But he also said that in any case, soon or later we will break up, so why not breaking up now? It is super painful. I didn't expect this. When we went to bed, he hugged me tight and I know he loves me but I don't know how much what he wrote was just to vent out or an actual plan to break up with me. I wrote similar stuff in my journal many times but then it was just an outlet.. so I know, it was wrong reading his journal and that everything would have been on if I didn't, but still it hurts a lot. What to do?

*Update: this morning we spent 3 hours crying. He said that he is sure about breaking up with me because he wants other things in his life. In the end, he proposed to stay for other months until the end of our tenancy contract. I said that we should think about it, I am not sure that would be the right decision. It hurts as hell.

Tl;DR: Yesterday I read my boyfriend's journal. He is planning to dump me.

Submitted September 04, 2019 at 03:45AM by smillsnj https://ift.tt/2ZISSeg