I don't even really know how to fully communicate the extent of the problem. My girlfriend and I have been officially together for two years but we have known each other for 5. Most of the past two years have been long distance. We truly love each other and have a great time when we aren't fighting. There are so many good aspects of our relationship and we have always been able to see a future for ourselves. We really want the best for eachother and she is genuinely one of the kindest people I know. I feel unconditional love from her but I'm worried that everything is becoming too much for both of us and I don't want to have that effect on her.
We just always end up having these awful fights and can't seem to stop. When it happens, it absolutely feels like the end of the world for me, to the point where I sometimes can't leave my bed for days. It has had a massive effect on my mental health and I am currently on the waiting list for counselling (there are other issues I struggle with which contribute to this). I think my current mental health has a large impact on the relationship, and it's a very heavy burden for my girlfriend to see how big of an effect the arguments can have on my mental health. We sometimes have these flights every 2-3 days and seem to rarely go longer than a week or two without one. Ultimately we do always make up but then it just happens again.
Arguments can begin with very minor things that just escalate out of control. Often these are mostly just due to a misunderstood text or something like that, however they seem to happen just as often in person. Some arguments are to do with more fundamental disagreements, which we don't always manage to fully resolve. Mostly they do start about pointless things. I'm not sure the content of the arguments is particularly important, I think it's more the way we go about them.
I think part of the problem is that we aren't able to be on the same side during these arguments and actually show we are empathising with one another. Instead it always ends up with us both trying to win the argument.
In some of these moments I really struggle to control my emotions and can have outbursts of anger where I say hurtful things. I have also really struggled with communicating my feelings, which my girlfriend finds extremely frustrating, but I like to think I am getting better at this.
I realise that there is probably not enough information in this post for people to respond with real solutions, but any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just want to have a happy life with my girlfriend.
TL;DR: my girlfriend and I can't stop fighting despite loving each other and wanting it to stop and be happy together.
Submitted September 05, 2019 at 10:32AM by IAmNatAnElephant https://ift.tt/2UB9zqV
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