My (24F) boyfriend (31m) gets angry a lot. This time it's about mistaking his voice in a video game. Am I crazy?

Writing this on mobile, edited for spelling mistakes, throwaway, yada yada yada.

My boyfriend and I play a lot of video games, especially online games. It's how we spend time together, especially after work.

We were playing in different parts of the map, and I heard someone over microphone make a panicked yell. I immediately asked over Discord if my boyfriend needed me to rotate to that part of the map and help him. He started getting upset and saying, "No...that wasn't me. It was [insert name of character played by another player]." Basically, another player on our team made a little yelp and I thought it was my boyfriend.

I said sorry, that I made a mistake, and kept playing. Throughout the game, he kept asking me why I thought that voice was him. I started getting anxious, but responded that I hadn't properly processed the voice and because I had been so focused on the game, thought that voice might have been him.

After the game, he asked me again. He got angrier and angrier as our conversation went on. He said, "how could you think that voice sounded like me?" (The particular player had a nasaly voice and sounded nothing like him).

I tried to explain, but then he interrupted me multiple times and then yelled:

"My point is that you fing thought that pssy sounded like me. Do you think that sounds like me? Do you know what my voice sounds like?"

He gets really scary when he's angry. I usually get mad and start crying. I didn't think this situation warranted that severe of a reaction, but this happens all the time over little things, like things I say, things I forget to say, things I get anxious about. I have PMDD, and I get more anxious before my period, and he says because of that, he gets angrier. So I just try to diffuse things every time it happens.

When this happens, I eventually just get a panic attack. He's been getting better with his anger (he used to throw things and punch holes into furniture), but he only yells now.

Now I'm sitting in the bathtub and crying. He knows this means my alone time and space so he leaves me be. But after a while he will come in, and he'll want to resolve things and I'm not ready. I say I want physical space, and he gets mad asking "Why, do you think I'll hurt you? What do you think I'll do?"

And I just answer no, I just want space because I'm freaked out and not ready. And he says, "Do you hate my presence? Is that why?" And he says it in such a scary way that even if I don't feel good saying it, I just say back," Of course I love your presence. I'm just scared right now."

We have these similar exchanges a lot. I feel guilted into saying something that I may believe, but don't want to say at the moment because I'm upset. But if I don't say it, he keeps asking and blows up.

I'm not sure what to do, honestly. Every time this happens I want to leave. And by leave, I mean leave. But we have been together for over 5 years and I do love him -- he's very nice and kind when he isn't mad. He's just mad a lot and I get scared when he's mad. He gets mad when I say he gets mad a lot or all the time, so I change it to "you get mad frequently".

Honestly, I feel like I put a lot in this relationship. I think about this every time I get in these moods. I have been paying for everything right now, since he's been making very little (not going to mention his profession, since it would be too identifying at this point), and I do make a lot more. I pay for rent, internet, utilities, food incidentals, flights, even some of his work stuff.

He doesn't like it when I say it's my money, because since we are planning to get married, it should be our money. And he doesn't like it when I accidentally say it's "my cat" or "my apartment" or "my mom" because he has an insecurity about things not being ours. He gets mad when I say he has an insecurity, but it's true. He does. I don't know if saying that is wrong. And if I accidentally say "I" instead of "our", I have to apologise. He has a lot of other little rules, but he calls them preferences. Some rules (he also doesn't like it when I call them rules. They're "preferences" But they feel like rules, sometimes) include, always saying an endearment after a sentence starts with "let's...", or not saying "I don't know" as a figure of speech, not saying we are having an "argument", but a "heated discussion", and other little things. He says I don't have to follow these rules if I don't want to. He just gets sad if I don't and it knots his stomach up. So I say these things because I love him. But sometimes I forget. I forget, then he gets mad, but he tells me he's working on not being as mad. And he has been getting better, and being more understanding when I make a mistake.

In terms of money, he said he would pay for me if I was making less. I believe him, but I'm also just frustrated at that also since I'm not saving as much as I want. We are planning a move soon across the country for his new job, and I'm paying for all of that too. He will be making slightly more money when we move (just not a lot still), and he said that will be a net gain in the end.

I'm feeling a lite resentful about the move since I'll be leaving all my friends here, and although the move will be closer to my brother, I feel a little scared and upset, and I'm not sure if I'm crazy or not anymore, or if I have a right to feel this way.

I talked to my psychiatrist when I gave his mom a few grand because she was in debt. She said it's not strange to think of it as "our money" but I didn't have to. But I don't want to be not giving. I don't want to not help him out when he's in need when clearly I can help.

Anyway, eventually, when I leave the bathtub and we talk, we do resolve things. I want to make a post like this, but then I never do because I forget about it until the next time. I'm just wondering if I'm crazy. Am I crazy? Am I thinking too much? Am I too resentful and selfish? Is this a normal relationship? Is it healthy and he just has an anger problem he's trying to fix? He doesn't hit me, ever. He doesn't verbally abuse me or call me names. I just feel drained.

TL;DR: boyfriend gets mad over me mistaking his voice in a video game. I get scared. Is it normal?

Submitted July 01, 2019 at 02:01AM by possiblyneurot1c https://ift.tt/321nqdz