Hi! Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this.
Basically, I’m having a hard time determining if my standards are just crazy high or if he’s very immature.
I live on my own and am on a very fixed income. I do ok but only through very strict budgeting. He makes more than 3 times what I do and lives with 4 roommates. He said he tried to live on his own but got lonely and missed having someone to talk to about his day. This isn’t me passing judgment about roommates, I’m just trying to set the scene that he literally lives with like 4 guys in a small apartment.
We began dating last November and it was sort of rocky. I thought we were just hooking up based on the fact that we weren’t going on dates, we’d just go over to each other’s places and hook up. Honestly I was genuinely surprised when he asked to be my boyfriend. This is where I discovered he’s maybe not the most considerate person on the planet.
The following month of course was Christmas and while we hadn’t been together long I wanted to get him a small gift to be nice. I planned his gift weeks in advance and gave it to him before he left to visit his family for Christmas. He told me he didn’t know what to get me, despite knowing that I’d been planning to give him something (I was up front about this so we wouldn’t have to deal with this exact awkward scenario) he didn’t get me anything. I felt pretty slighted because I’d been telling him for weeks I was planning a surprise for him and he literally gave me zero thought. He did later cook me dinner as a gift to make things up to me. This is pretty much how all gift-giving goes in our relationship. If he does remember, it’s the same day as the holiday/special occasion.
We never go on dates, and when we do, he does his best to invite his friends along. We were supposed to go to dinner and a movie last weekend but he had to work so I kept him company, no big deal he couldn’t help it. We planned to make up for it on Tuesday and I wasn’t feeling very well but was staying with him. He decided to invite a friend over in the middle of our time together so I left to recuperate at home. I’m kind of an introvert so sleeping in front a stranger wasn’t something I wanted to do while trying to recover, especially because I was coughing and they were smoking weed. We had planned to get dinner that evening but he forgot and ate without me. A lot of our plans fall through because of his “forgetting” we have plans. We really don’t go out ever, it’s always eating in and hanging out with his friends.
He also does a ton of drugs, like tonight I was trying to talk to him and he ate an entire edible. I went ahead and canceled our plans to get breakfast so that he wouldn’t “forget.” I grew up with addicts for parents. He stopped doing some of the harder drugs because he knows it makes me uncomfortable but he was doing coke at like 11 am on some days. He told me he actually “used to have a bit of a problem with it” but has allegedly stopped since we had our conversation. He never misses an opportunity to do any other sort of drug though.
He does not like to text me, however he is always on his phone when we’re together. I asked him once, since we don’t really speak during the day, if he could just text me good night. He told me he’d never been in a relationship where that was required and most nights when we’re not together I stop hearing from him at 6 pm.
I feel like the bottom line is we’re just not that compatible. I have never felt this lonely in a relationship ever, and certainly never this needy . I don’t feel like he’s my best friend, I don’t feel like a priority. Normally I’m setting boundaries to make sure I get space. I mean I’m definitely doing that now, I’m for sure avoiding him to get some time to think about things.
He did try to invite me out with his friends tonight. The last time I was with his friends they went on a LONG rant about how fantastic coke is and I politely removed myself from the conversation because I was feeling really uncomfortable and I had to apologize for embarrassing him in front of his friends by not “exiting more normally.” Honestly they were all smoking weed, I hadn’t been part of the conversation for a while, and the smoke was bothering my cough (I’m sick).
I’m writing this while I’m sleep deprived and full of zzzquil so I apologize for any meandering. There are things about him that I love, like he’s super funny and can be very sweet. I just feel like he’s less a partner and more of a guy I’m casually seeing. I find the constant drug use super boring and unattractive, honestly. Do I wait it out to see if he matures? He really is very nice. I have talked about ending things in the past and he freaks out.
He is also (sorry NSFW) not overly generous in bed. I used to not make much of an effort because I so rarely (read: extremely rarely) get any form of foreplay, but he made a comment that made me feel extremely self conscious so now I’m extremely generous in bed and he’s so not at all. Not giving at all. Mostly he just has a boner, humps at me, then goes in dry. About once every month and a half will he go down on me. At this point I mark it on my calendar to keep track.
TL:;DR to break up or not to break up? My boyfriend prioritizes his friends over me and is not overly considerate. Feels more like a casual fling than a partner.
Submitted July 03, 2019 at 09:25PM by ohboyohjeez https://ift.tt/2Xny7IN
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