I (20F) am feeling absolutely crushed, empty, stupid, and worthless because I just found out my boyfriend (18M) of 1.5 years has been cheating on me.

I know it’s an invasion of privacy but he became more private of his phone, never letting me see it, constantly taking more time to respond. Today I guessed his snapchat password and looked through the conversation he had with a girl I was worried about. My heart absolutely sank when I read “I can’t wait to shove my c*ck so deep into you” and other things hurts me so much.

I just feel so stupid for not seeing the red flags. Let me explain:

1. He stopped seeing a future with me and told me he expected to date other girls before getting married
2. He stopped saying ‘I love you’, he would only say it when I said it first
3. He stopped complimenting me
4. He stopped posting me onto his snapchat story, Instagram feed (he deleted the only post I was in)
5. He would NEVER invite me out to clubs or bars and get irritated if I mentioned that
6. He stopped taking me out on dates for the past three months, stopped paying for anything in general 7.He stopped putting in effort
7. He cheated on me before

I suspected he was cheating but I never had any proof and he constantly gaslighted me. I don’t understand what is wrong with me.

I tried my best to be a great girlfriend. I truly gave him space, he hung out with friends every weekend and most days of the week, I never demanded his location, didnt upset when he didn’t respond for hours when he was out with his friends. I was there when no one else is. He doesn’t have a car so I would pick him and drive him everywhere, I’d pay for our food 90% of the time, I’d always try to plan cute dates and be understanding when he didn’t have money and try to do something local and around the house. I’d always try my best to be supportive, even gave him $400 because he got himself into shady stuff. Let him use my credit card for his gym membership.

For our one year he said he didn’t have time to get me a card or something while (I have 4-5 hour chem labs mon-Thursday then I work 9-12 hour shifts Friday-Sunday) I managed to create a book of memories that had 200+ memories and pictures and got him a nice wallet. He didn’t even pay for dinner and I had to foot the $100 bill.

I’m honestly ashamed of myself for him to treat me the way he has been and I can’t believe I stuck around for this whole time. I don’t know what to do, I have no friends besides him and I’m feeling even more lonely.

Any advice on how not to feel so worthless? I feel like I put my all into this relationship. I’m going to talk to him tonight and break up with him.

TL:DR I caught my boyfriend of 1.5 years cheating on me. I’m feeling absolutely crushed worthless. I tried to the best girlfriend I could but I’m realizing it was all for the wrong person.

Submitted July 05, 2019 at 12:22PM by dasha_322 https://ift.tt/2JhdpBO