It’s been nearly 4 years and my (F20) boyfriend (M21) makes my emotions irrelevant because they’re “routine” or “predictable”

Throwaway because my boyfriend is an active reddit user who follows this thread and for other personal reasons (sharing personal information). Also, sorry for any grammar errors, I wrote this via my phone and this is my first text based post.

My boyfriend (M21) and I (F20) have been together for nearly 4 years, we met at an early stage in life (16/17) and also dealt with two years of (global) long distance. We never struggled so much as we do now, even when things were hard when we were apart. But now, we are no longer in a long distance relationship, we live together. I moved in with him in Sept (2018) and in all honesty, we have such amazing moments, they tend to overcome any of the bad. But since moving in with him, as much as we’ve been excited and looking so forward to finally being together, it feels as if I’ve become a burden to him. Whenever we argue, he either doesn’t want to discuss it (which, for me, I like to talk things out), but he (as he says) likes it to just “end”, no discussion, just leave be. I cannot help but feel temporary in this relationship. My boyfriend and I, like I said do very well together in many aspects, but the moment there is conflict he self implodes and can spew out mean spirited comments. Sometimes he’ll say “I know I’m being a dick but ....” or later will say, “I can be a dick and say mean things.” But he continues to do it, even after he’s acknowledged what he says is hurtful. Every time I start to get upset he says either, “how predictable I am, and it’s always bound to happen” and then always concludes with “I just can’t give you what you want, I can’t keep you happy.” I do not expect my boyfriend to maintain my personal well-being, but I do believe as a couple we are there to support one another. I have begun to notice that if I am anything but happy or fine (or simply complacent), there is friction. But naturally, I am not always happy or “fine”. This obviously is treated as a “normal occurrence” from my boyfriends POV and a “predictable outcome” of whatever the scenario is. Me being upset or emotional is just “regular”. Which makes me feel ashamed to be upset with him, no matter the scenario. However, no matter how bad the argument or what he said, he always without failure reminds me that he loves me. At the end of the argument or once it’s calmed down due to pure exhaustion he says, “I love you”. Whenever I try to explain to my boyfriend that I don’t expect him to maintain my happiness or question what things he feels he cannot “give me”, he doesn’t have an answer. He just repeats that he can’t keep me happy and can’t give me what I want. But in all honesty, all I have wanted is him and I have tried my absolute hardest to show that to him in any and all ways. Overall, I want to continue to try to maintain and be a part of this relationship because I love him and believe the outcome is worth it, but sometimes it feels like my boyfriend might not want that, even though on other days, it seems like we’re a match made in heaven.

TLDR; I’m afraid to confront what I believe to be the underlying meaning to what my bf says in the heat of the moment, but I’ve begun to feel like a burden in his life. He says that “it always happens when you (I) do something”, that it wouldn’t have started if I hadn’t done ______. I want to continue to try to maintain and be a part of this relationship because I love him and believe the outcome is worth it, but sometimes it feels like my boyfriend might not want that, even though on other days, it seems like we’re a match made in heaven. How can I confront this?

Submitted June 22, 2019 at 04:40PM by throwingitallawaaay http://bit.ly/2ICuqG6