We had a baby and eloped (together seven years). My (35f) husband's (37m) family now barely speaking to him.

Argh - I accidently deleted my first post after writing a novel. Ok, shorter version this time as it took a long time to write out. On mobile... trying to figure out spacing.

Note: husband and I will both be reading this thread. We acknowledge it is from our point of view and very much are looking for tough love to how we can change, what we did wrong, etc.

Background: husband (37m) is the first family member to move away (12 hours by plane) from area after seven generations. Big extended family locally of cousins, aunts, uncles, who get together regularly. Never had issues with them until recently. We been together seven years.

Issues: 1) I had a complicated and hard pregnancy. Near the end, I had family members (close to 25 texts/phone calls a day) asking for daily updates while I was in the hospital. I found this overwhelming (even if well intentioned). My mother ran interference for me for my family and asked them to be patient/stop texting and phoning me and ask her instead. My husband asked his family the same and to stop texting me/contact him. This will become relevant later.

2) Two weeks before the birth, his sister (40ish f/single/no kids) visted. She hosted a baby shower for us (a surprise) from family members, bringing gifts from them to us. While exhausted, we took pics and I was genuinely touched. I said I'd send thank you cards when I could. She seemed fine with this. Note: I sent them two months post birth as I had a really awful birth. I wanted to send them sooner but could barely function let alone write 30 thank you cards for a suprise shower. Also will become relevant later.

3) sister and his mother (60 f) visited 5 weeks post birth to help. His sister helped with repairs on a rental unit we own. His mom came to help me (cook/clean) as I was barely walking and very overwhelmed.

I went and visited hubby and sil at the rental site the last day she was visiting. It is 45 min drive and I took the baby. Big mistake. I was solo and stopped 5 times to calm baby down. I was an emotional mess when I arrived but tried to show gratitude for all her work (note: we paid for her plane ticket and lost wages for a week for her labour). I asked my hubby to drive back with me (to help me/I missed him as he stayed at site all week). She took him aside when I didn't notice and asked him to drive with her instead. I was confused when he said he should drive with her and for some reason I agreed to this. I arrived an hour after they left as baby was awful driving home. My husband was a wreck and apologized to me for driving with her. Sil was very quiet and I assumed tired. My husband in private later asked her if anything was wrong and she just said nope. She left the next day seemingly very quiet.

His mom while husband was with sister, was with me for the week. On her last night of her visit, she approached husband saying she disapproved of us trying to bottle feed our baby because baby cried when I did (I was having breastfeeding issues). She thought it hurt baby. And asked hubby if he regretted having baby and if he even wanted to be a father (wtf?!). My husband was shocked by these questions and said she was stepping over a line. She didn't speak to him the rest of the evening and left with sister the next day. This also becomes relevant in a moment.

A week after they both left, we received emails from both of them 24 hours apart. One from sister stating she was upset we didn't send thank you cards out and thought we were ungrateful/family members felt used (no one said anything to us); how she felt unappreciated for her help on our rental; and how family should have gotten baby news asap... that family takes precedent over others. His mom's email stated she was upset at how hubsand spoke to her and doubled down on her feeding comments and if this was the life he wanted.

He phoned both after calming down to try to understand what was going on. They both kept repeating what was in their emails while husband stated he was hurt as the birth of his child was being focused about being about them. His priorities lay with his new family. These calls led to low contact for the last 10 months roughly.

Still with me?

Over two months ago, we decided to elope. I was having significant health concerns (note multiple er visits and surgeries needed) and for legal issues felt marriage was the best way to make sure husband and baby were protected if something happened to me. We went down to the court house with two friends. My parents were stoked for us. His family besides one line email "wow that is a surprise" was radio silence. We knew an elopement can piss of family and we explained to both sides we went this route for my health reasons... hoped they'd understand. Luckily my health is improving and we stated to family we were hoping to host a reception this summer to involve them.

Ok wrapping up novel:

My husband receieved an email from his mom this past week. It was asking us if we were coming home as "he was the one who left" and "she feels left out of her grandchild's life". "Are we ever moving back"? His sis called to discuss recent everyday happenings pretending nothing has happened recently. He hung up confused. And has not written/phoned his mom back.

Question: how does husband handle his family... until baby they had seemingly a great/close relationship. Do we hold a reception as a peace offering or just take my parents/his dad (divorced) out for supper? I'll admit I'll be sad if we don't celebrate with a reception after the year we've had but can get over this. Will this create more drama if we don't invite them? Do we foster a relationship with his family for our child - child is only grandchild on both sides? Do I speak to his sister as all of these issues involve me? We have no idea how to proceed, if at all. Any advice appreciated.

Tl:dr: we had a baby and eloped - husbands family hasn't been the same since. How do we proceed?

Submitted May 01, 2019 at 02:08PM by Solongmybestfriend http://bit.ly/2GO3j8U