TL;DR: I broke up with my boyfriend. It was disconcertingly one-sided, but... I think he handled it ok?.... Its hard to interpret silence.
The below is just recounting the details of how it went down. Probably way more details than anyone cares to read lol, but there it is.
I did it at the end of last month, 3 days after my post, and 5 days after the incident that I had made the post about. The day after the post I was still at his house and I was still treating things normally, for the most part.
I went home and took a few days to ruminate. Consulted with a friend who echoed the same opinion as you all who commented: break up.
I didn’t want to wait to the last minute before he was moving away that weekend, so that he would have a few days to process and recover before packing and driving with his family hours away. So that Monday is when I decided it had to be done.
I did it over text. I am not happy about that, and didn’t make that decision lightly. The primary reason was that he does not live close to me (1.75-4 hours away and $17-70 roundtrip, depending on the mode of transportation). My next preference would be a phone call, but we’ve never talked on the phone, just text, neither of us are phone people. Lastly, I was afraid if I made it all the way out there I may chicken out, which I don’t have time for, since as noted above, he was moving away in a few days, and also since I wanted to make sure I mentioned everything I needed to say (the incident from the original post was the catalyst for the break up, but there were other contributing factors too).
So I laid everything out over a series of text messages. In the last one I apologized for it being over text (and mentioned the reasoning for doing so, not just bc the relationship meant nothing. Though I do fully understand people who have that viewpoint), and told him he can call me when he gets my messages to discuss further.
No response.
I wait. Hours, nothing. I start to get concerned, particularly since last time there was a big strain on the relationship (1+ year ago) he constantly talked of being better off dead. I text his mom, who should be home by that time to let her know we’ve broken up and to make sure he’s alright in the time ahead. She hadn’t known yet. I stopped worrying so frantically since she didn’t say anything else, so that must’ve meant all was fine in regards to his safety.
Another day passes. And another. The last message in our conversation is still my original breakup message.
I reach out the afternoon of the 3rd day, since I have some things I still needed to retrieve from his house and some to return to him, before he moved out of town that weekend. I ask if I can come by tomorrow to exchange things.
No response.
I text him that night telling him its ok if he does not want to talk or interact whatsoever. I tell him I’ll come by tomorrow, just to leave my stuff outside and I can leave his at their front door, no interaction necessary.
No response.
I start the 2 hour public transport journey there the next day, and tell him my ETA.
No response.
I arrive there. None of my stuff is outside. I worry that I went all the way there just to have him barricade himself inside. From the front door, I call his phone, rather than sending yet another text into the void.
No response.
That worry becomes more real. But then, I see him come to the door. He opens it, without even looking at me, and immediately heads back to his room. I stand at the doorway, unsure what to do- I didn’t wanna force myself into his space if he was gonna just quickly bring the things to me to exchange. I waited a few moments til it was clear he wasn’t coming back, then headed to his room. He sat at the edge of his bed facing the wall as I gathered my things. On the bright side, he still had a sense of humor- he chuckled and made a comment as I struggled putting away one of my things. That almost made things feel like they were still normal.
We finally make some eye contact when he tells me he has a black eye. His friend punched him in the face, he said. It was over a stupid (in his words) argument (over a fictional character...)- he slapped his friend and his friend punched him. I’m not sure who did it first. I’m assuming they were not sober at the time of this event, but I didn’t probe further.
He didn’t say anything else while I was there, nothing at all regarding the breakup. Although I wanted to ask him about his side of things, I didn’t wanna make him talk if he didn’t want to. So all I asked, is if there’s anything I can work on myself. He silently shook his head no, still facing the wall. Though after a pause he did give me a non-serious answer regarding something he always teased me about (in a lighthearted, joking way). I tell him that can’t be it, but to let me know. I stand there for a bit, seeing if there’s anything at all he wanted to say or ask. Nothing happens, so I tell him that I guess I’ll be heading out then, and I immediately start walking out. In that moment I see him finally turn to to look at me instead of the wall/floor. I let myself out the front door, and on the way home sent one final text, thanking him for letting me inside to exchange our stuff, telling him that I’ll leave him alone now since he didn’t want to discuss anything, and wishing him well.
It felt super weird having broken up a year+ relationship, and especially so suddenly (from his standpoint), yet him to have absolutely no response to it. It’s not that I want him promising to change and begging for me back or something. Just... something, anything. A break up should involve both people, mutual dialogue.
I don’t know if he didn’t respond because of the shock of the breakup and/or he was till processing it. Or because of the fact it was over text- that I didn’t deserve any response if I was able to end a long term relationship like that. I may never know. But it’s over now, and we’ll both have to move on regardless.
Submitted May 28, 2019 at 03:04AM by stylishpaperhat http://bit.ly/2EECWlt
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