[UPDATE] Me [24F] with my new fiance [24M] announced engagement after dating 3 years. Not sure how to deal with unexpected family reaction.

Hey everyone. I posted my original issue a little while ago. Long story short, I got engaged and when I announced it to my mom and maternal relatives I got a really cold reception. I posted basically because I didn't really know how to process it.

I'm still kind of in disbelief, but I actually had a chance to chat with one of my maternal aunts. I thought she called me and called her back; turns out it was a butt dial, but since I had her on the line I decided to ask her what her perspective was.

I won't really hash out the details of the conversation, but essentially it seems to boil down to a few things.

First, because of the distance and language barrier, none of them really know Frank very well, so mostly they are going off what they're told about him. It seems that my mom has been talking about him in unflattering ways and just overall painting him as "not good enough".

One weird thing that they seem to have fixated on is that he doesn't have a full driver's license. I don't either (I have a new driver license, he has a learner's). Neither of us have a car and public transit is decent enough in our city, so getting a full license hasn't really been a top priority.

It seems, though, that between that and him not being in the workforce full-time yet (because, you know, still in school -- even though they've been told about his part-time job), my mom doesn't think very highly of his ability to provide and disapproves despite saying to my face that she will just "love whoever [I] love". They see only my mom's disapproval and nothing of how hard he works, how sweet he is, how creative, funny ... etc. So if I am to change their minds, I'm already starting on the back foot and running damage control.

Second, they seem to think I'm still a baby. My aunt was saying how I'm still young and all. I pointed out I was turning 25 this year (on the young end for engagement, sure, but by no means a child) and she actually did a double take when she realised that. She also asked about a lot of things -- what we planned for the future, if we've talked about having kids, what sort of lifestyle we want: basic-ass shit that anyone with half a brain of foresight would talk about before an engagement. I obviously had answers for all the things she asked, and she almost seemed surprised that I never once had to say "we've never talked about that" or "I don't know".

She ended up saying that I'm a grown person who can make her own decisions, and that she just wishes me well. We also talked about my mum a bit. We kind of ended the conversation there.

It's been a few days now and at the end of it all, I think ... I'm just angry and sad. I know neither Frank nor I are at our lifegoals yet and we still have plenty of growing to do.

But I just feel super disrespected and underestimated. I'm pissed that my mom would claim to just want me to be happy and that she'd love whoever I love, and then turn around and talk shit about the man I love and who has been an incredible supportive partner to me. She keeps saying that she wants a better relationship with me, but honestly I'm starting to see that she doesn't. Not really. She wants a better relationship with who she wants me to be, not who I actually am.

And to be fair, I guess I feel the same way. I would love a better relationship with my mum -- if my mum were more genuinely supportive and less judgemental and didn't think her perspective is the objective truth quite so much.

Whatever. I'm still going to get married. And I'm super happy about that. My future husband is a swell guy who makes me really happy. If anyone can't bring themselves to feel genuinely happy for us, they can feel free to fuck right off.

TL;DR: Turns out, it was a combo of my mom talking shit about my fiancé and people forgetting I was a literal adult. I'm pissed at that but am still super excited to get married, and have resolved that if anyone can't be happy for us, then they are free to not let the door hit their ass on the way out.

Submitted May 01, 2019 at 06:52PM by engage_excitement http://bit.ly/2WjAyHA