I'm black, in my early 30s always dated pretty much black women and one woman who was Puerto Rican. My family is super black conscious. Like to the nth degree. My cousin once brought a white guy over for Thanksgiving. My family was polite but when he was gone they tore into her for bringing him by saying she was basically dishonoring her roots by dating him. They stopped when she started to choke up while defending herself. At the time I felt bad for her but I was dating a black woman I thought I was gonna marry so I didn't think much of it. It was bad, but it didn't affect me I guess? Selfish yes, but I was in my mid 20s and foolish.
Jump ahead about 6 years later and I me and the woman I thought I was going to marry have long broken up. It was amicable not that it matters. I'm a systems architect so the job can get a bit lonely at times so I kinda leave the building every now and again for lunch. I go in and I meet this woman at a cafe in line, it's casual Friday and she notices my funny shirt and we start talking. She's white, red hair, blue eyes white. But I can't help but notice she is gorgeous, like I thought I was lowkey talking to a model or an actress. Turns out she's studying law. We chat for lunch and I get her number, blah, blah, blah you know the rest before I know it we are exclusive and dating.
Then Thanksgiving rolls around and she asks if she can meet my family. We had only been dating a few months but when she asked it triggered anxiety in me. After talking with some friends I decided to tell her that I didn't think it would be wise to just bring her around all my family at once. She understood but was clearly hurt by that. Especially since I had already met her mom when she came in to visit. I decided to introduce her to my cousin and brother, who were pretty cool with her and they got along. I think my mom would understand, but not so sure on my dad.
Now it's past Christmas and my family wants to know if I'm dating anyone and I keep lying and saying no. And I feel like such a POS every time I do that because I feel like I'm betraying her or am ashamed of her. And I'm not but I'm the one the younger kids in the family my cousins and the sort look up to. I'm the one who volunteers, gives to charity, reads and knows all this about African culture and history, I'm the one who went to the BLM protests. I remember seeing "Get Out" with my family and my aunt talking about how it was symbolic of how good black men have to get away from "whiteness" as white people always try to "steal the good ones." In particular the women. I know I have to tell them, I just hate that I'm being made to feel like I'm choosing between my heritage and my feelings.
I can't talk about this with anyone because I'm afraid somehow my family and church will find out and then I'll be a pariah. I'd do it for her but I'm honestly scared. I don't want people to see me differently or as "less black" or even worse as a race traitor.
**tl;dr**: Family is adamantly and vocally against me dating a white woman but now I'm actually dating one and am not sure how to tell them and explain that dating her isn't a betrayal of my identity or family.
Submitted December 30, 2018 at 01:35PM by AliveFlatworm http://bit.ly/2H0hHyr
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