I got a FB message from a girl I don't know telling me that my (22F) mom is having an affair with her father.

I’m sorry it’s long but I need help so badly.

I still live at home with my parents and younger siblings. A few days ago, just after Christmas, I got a Facebook message from someone I didn’t know. Thought it was spam, but upon opening it I saw it was from a girl in her mid 20s who addressed me saying, “I know you don’t know me but I need to tell you something.” She went on to say that apparently my mom and her dad were having an affair that had been going on for about 2 months. She gave me her dad’s name and said she thought I had a right to know. She said her mom was devastated and her family was being torn apart by this and that she hoped mine would cope with it better than hers.

I was obviously in shock because this didn’t seem in character for my mom. I searched the guy and found that they had gone to high school together and that they had many pictures together from reunions with other friends.

Here’s where things get extra sticky. My parents are married but they’re not in love. When I was 11, my parents separated for about a year. My dad moved out and my siblings and I rotated between them and it took a toll on us emotionally. My dad started having this woman over a lot when we were at his apartment, who he said was his “friend”. I was 11 and innocent so I bought it. My parents later got back together, but right before my dad moved back in, he old us that “friend” had broken into his apartment and stolen a lot of stuff, including some of mine. Now that I’m older, I see that he was obviously seeing this woman and when he said he was getting back with my mom, she went batshit crazy and broke in. I’m also pretty sure my parents split in the first place because my dad cheated on my mom.

Fast forward a few years and I go to log onto our family computer. My dad is already logged on and had left his FB messages open. I see a message between him and a woman where they say things like “I can’t wait to see you again” and “I just want to be with you, you’re so amazing”. I felt sick and got really depressed. My parents noticed but didn’t know why. I finally confronted my dad about it and he gave some story about how she was a crazy woman from work and if he didn’t say those things to keep her at bay, she’d show up to our house and harass us. At the time, I wanted so badly to believe him that I bought it (stupid, I know).

The last thing to know about my dad is that he’s scary. He has an extremely short temper and anything can set him off. He will yell, say terrible things, throw stuff, punch walls, slam doors, storm off, everything. He’s never hit any of us but we’re all terrified to anger him because it’s still scary as all hell. My parents fight regularly about lots of stuff, and then in between act like nothing is wrong. My mom once mentioned leaving him again because of it, but I never heard of that again because my dad got my mom a ring to replace her wedding band (which they both sold when they separated).

I don’t think my parents love each other. My mom is really sweet but at this point I can’t say with certainty that she wouldn’t cheat on my dad. This would bother me more if my dad was innocent himself. Do I confront my mom? Do I let the facade go on? If she fesses up and decides to tell my dad, I worry about how he would react and how my siblings would cope (they already don’t have healthy coping mechanisms). I think cheating is the most disgusting thing you can do in a relationship, but is it my place to meddle? The girl offered me no proof and I don’t have the guts yet to ask her, but what could she gain by lying? Right now I can’t even look at my mom. This is eating me inside and I don't know what to do.

TL;DR girl messages me saying my mom is having an affair with her dad and it bothers me, but my parents don’t love each other and my dad is a very scary man - do I confront my mom?

Submitted December 31, 2018 at 08:32AM by throwaway_37280 http://bit.ly/2GNjM0h