I’ve (27F) been dating my boyfriend (27M) for three years. We were wonderfully compatible and in love, but there was always an underlying issue of his mental health.
He had been battling depression for a long time before we met. Though when we met, he was in a healthy and high point in his life, medicated and actively engaged with therapy. While I was hesitant at first, he was extremely committed to making our relationship work and a great communicator about all his issues.
We built a great life together and moved in after a year. His depression was manageable for the most part. I’m a type A personality who is highly independent and a pragmatic problem solver. I work as a consultant for business investors and frequently navigate complex issues. I eventually started to take on the role of caretaker. And after such a long time, I figured we would always find a way to work through things, and despite my exhaustion and the toll it was taking on me, my love and support for him was very strong. And on many levels our love was his crutch for the past three years. The first year into the relationship, he was so happy, he stopped going to therapy... I asked him to go back but he always dragged his feet. I tried to help him navigate many issues as his partner, but things would only get better temporarily before he would lose momentum. The simplest self-care aspects (eating, sleeping, laundry, cleanliness) of his life would be in shambles frequently.
In early December, he ended up in the hospital for a suicide attempt. Which was extremely heartbreaking for me. The nurse shared with me that he was diagnosed with bipolar type 2, and he was evidently in denial about his diagnosis.
After many weeks of battling continued manic depression, we decided to end our relationship so he could focus on getting better by himself and instead of relying so heavily on me for all support, which was really becoming difficult for me. Ultimately it was pretty unexpected, but the root of our problems was his dependence on me...
He’d have extreme anxiety if I couldn’t answer the phone or come over immediately. God forbid if we were apart for a long period of time and he had an episode of depression. When I’d be on work trips, it was a nightmare and I had to enlist friends to be on suicide watch while I was out of town. He was unable to develop any coping mechanisms to deal with his depression. Our long-term relationship couldn’t work like this anymore, and he needs to build a foundation essentially from scratch, which will take years of hard work and lots of therapy.
Our lives were pretty entwined and he was my best friend, it’s going to be very rough for me for a while as I try to rebuild my life without him.
Ultimately it was the best thing for both of our sanity. Yet it’s so difficult to see a loved one in so much pain and sadness, who loves you deeply, and let them go during their lowest point. Especially as overly rational person, who always wants to find a solution. I realize I can’t fix him and only he can resolve his issues, but it’s difficult for me to accept.
Reddit, please advise on how to cope with my decision. I’d love to hear other stories of similar experiences and their outcomes.
TLDR Love of my life is bipolar and our relationship became very codependent. Looking for support on how to move forward after letting him go.
Submitted December 29, 2018 at 04:23PM by Boxed657 http://bit.ly/2CEAiMf
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