My dad [60sM] spent the last year belittling my [26F] master's program. Now he wants to come to the graduation.

This isn't the first time I've posted to r/relationships about my dad and it's unlikely to be the last. He and I have a very strained, problematic relationship that's gotten worse over the last year. Having received great advice on my last post I'm giving this another whirl.

I finished my bachelor's degree back in 2015 at a school that's considered fairly prestigious internationally. The workload was very intense and extremely stressful, and after four years there I graduated with a degree and the educational equivalent of PTSD. I knew I wanted something different for my master's, so I decided to apply to a program in Europe. I was ecstatic when they accepted me.

My dad for some inexplicable reason doesn't like my program. He's made many comments to friends and family about it not being a "real" program or not being distinguished enough because the workload is much less than it was for my bachelor's. He recently told my sister that my degree is worthless and will get me nowhere finding a job. These comments are frankly baseless; it's an economics degree from a very respected European university. It's far from worthless. Regardless, I committed a year of my life to this program and put in a lot of effort to do well. It's really hurtful for him to dismiss it or say the things he does. To date I don't think he's said one positive thing about my program - not even a congratulations when I finished my thesis. In fact, when I told him I was accepted the first thing he asked me was "are you sure it's not a scam?"

I should add that this is fairly typical of my dad. He can be very critical and vocal of things he decides he doesn't like. He offers zero emotional support. I've spoken to him many times about his comments - I tell them how awful they make me feel and how I want him to stop making them. He either lies and claims he never said such things, or (my favorite) he puts me down for having such low self esteem that I can't handle the criticism.

It is very clear to me that my dad lacks the capacity for empathy and has very little understanding of human emotions, and the sad part is that in the end he's the one who suffers the most. A few days ago he asked for the graduation ceremony date so he could arrange his schedule to attend (the ceremony is in Europe and so he would need to fly there). It's clear he'd like to be a part of the celebrations but I'm so hurt that I don't want him there. My friends and family are telling me that I should be the bigger person and let him come. They believe that my dad can't really help the way he is and that since he's been this way for so long, I should know not to attribute any value to his words. I'm not sure what to do.

TLDR: My dad says mean comments about my master's program and has offered me no support whatsoever throughout. He's now asking for an invitation to the graduation ceremony. I don't want him there but friends and family are telling me to be the bigger person and let him come.

Submitted December 29, 2018 at 10:33AM by killinnnmesmallz http://bit.ly/2GJLcEc