So I’ll try to keep this short but if you need more info just let me know. I’ve been dating “Nate” for over a year now and it’s going really well. We get along and have fun and we’ve spoken about marriage before - I definitely intend on spending my life with him.
I’ll start by saying that I’m vegan and pretty far left. I don’t really say much about it in person, I’m pretty quiet and discreet. I don’t care if someone eats meat around me or anything. But I WILL say something if someone says any type of slur. I’ve always been like this, it’s not a new development in our relationship.
Anyhow, he has a close friend named Jay. When I first met him we got along pretty well. He seemed really chill. Over time (a few months), I started to pick up on some rude things he would do - he’s incredibly rude and condescending to his wife which is the first thing I picked up on. I didn’t treat him any differently but I also didn’t stay quiet when he’d say something rude.
Most of the time when we would hang out with him, we’d be drinking. I quit smoking cigarettes in January, and I quit drinking because I knew it would make me want to smoke. I had the intention of drinking again after a few months, but I just didn’t like it anymore.
So I stopped going to Jays as often. MIND YOU, I encouraged Nate to continue hanging out. Over the last year, Nate has cut back on drinking as well, though he still does it maybe once or twice a month. I’m usually not there. He also went vegetarian three months ago. That’s when the problem with Jay really started. He got mad at Nate and blamed me for “changing him”. I’m not entirely sure what all happened, but it seemed to get resolved at the time.
Two nights ago, I went over to his house for a bonfire with some of Nate’s other friends (who I’ve known for a long time and have had no issue with). I had a headache so I was a bit withdrawn and was on my phone on and off while listening to the conversations but not really contributing. Some guy that I’d never met before started saying some things that I found offensive so rather than start anything, I walked inside to use the bathroom.
Apparently after I left, Jay said something along the lines of, “if she’s gonna come over and just sit on her phone and get offended at everything we say, she just shouldn’t come”. Nate texted me he wanted to leave so we did and he told me all this yesterday morning.
I’m not sure what to do here, I wasn’t even mad at anything Jay was doing last night but even if I had been, I feel that walking away is the best thing I could do in a situation like that. Nate said he texted him that he was “just worried about him” but he hasn’t replied and doesn’t want to. We’re skipping out on our NYE plans because Jay is going to be there and I just feel really bad about it all because I’ve tried so hard not to get between them or anything. I’m just not sure what to do here. I don’t want to be friends with Jay or even be around him because he’s shown me he doesn’t respect me multiple times and I don’t want to put up with that. But that means I never hang out with Nate and his friends again which seems wrong? I just need any advice I can get, thank you all!
TLDR boyfriends friend doesn’t like me and thinks I changed him
Submitted December 31, 2018 at 06:18AM by chimmyloo http://bit.ly/2C1VudB
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