I've (25F) been in a relationship with my boyfriend (29 M) for nearly three years. When we started dating, I thought he was exactly what I needed: practical, loyal, intelligent, ambitious. He wasn't romantic and we didn't have any shared interests but I was young and had just gotten out of an emotionally abusive relationship--I thought that a stable person was exactly what I needed.
Years later, I realize that not having any shared interests has really taken a toll on me, largely because I feel like we don't have a deep emotional connection. He doesn't seem to have any passion or interests aside from video games. I've tried introducing him to books, music, or movies I love and his reply is always "I don't get it" or "look at you, so artsy fartsy." Don't get me wrong, he does put some effort in trying to understand why I like the things I do, but it falls always falls flat. He just doesn't get it and never will.
Additionally, he is super passive and never plans anything new for us. I do all of the planning. I don't expect to be treated like a princess every day, but I'm really attracted to men who are curious about the world and want to have new experiences. My boyfriend is content not doing anything--his go to phrase is "whatever you want to do."
Insert long lost friend here. We meet after not talking for years and instantly connect. I feel such a deep connection with my friend. I never even noticed how lonely I was with my boyfriend until I met this friend. Having said that, this friend is a bit emotionally unstable and immature in certain ways. He's not sure what he wants to do with his life or where to go. My boyfriend on the other hand has a fantastic job and wants to commit to me for life. The decision should be easy right? End things with my boyfriend and date other people, right? Yet it isn't. It's so hard. I feel like I'm chasing for a perfect blend of my boyfriend and my friend-- someone mature and stable but also romantic and sensitive. But I know that perfection doesn't exist. I'm afraid that I'm being incredibly foolish by throwing away a safe and perfectly functional relationship.
I don't want to cheat, by the way. I don't tell my friend how I feel about him and I'm careful not to get too close. But I'm always thinking about him. I feel this stomach churning kind of love (barf haha) that I didn't know I was capable of feeling. I've contemplated staying with my boyfriend and just remaining good friends with my friend (no confessions, no proclamations of love, just a strictly platonic friendship)...but perhaps that even crosses the line of emotional cheating if I'm left pining after him each time we meet?
I've been told that the grass is greener where you water it. I admit I haven't been trying as hard the past month in my relationship. The last week, I've been really trying to invest my all into my relationship with my boyfriend--arranging dinner dates, trying to talk about my emotional issues, etc. Maybe it will get better? But then again, honestly, this is what I've been doing for years. Like I said, somehow, he doesn't get it. Sometimes, I feel like I'm talking to somebody who wants to please me but doesn't understand me.
Sorry this is so long and rambling. I guess my question is, would you throw away a supportive, stable, healthy but emotion-less relationship for a chance at a different, perhaps more "real" sort of love? Or am I being an idiot and feeling like the grass is greener? What would you guys do in my situation?
TL;DR I have a good, responsible, but emotionally flat boyfriend and I'm not sure if I love him. I've recently fallen for a friend who is basically the opposite of my boyfriend in that he's passionate and creative but unreliable and irresponsible. What do I do?
Submitted December 30, 2018 at 03:15PM by undecided202 http://bit.ly/2LKUgI8
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