Should I be worried about my boyfriends sexual orientation, and how much transparency can I ask for?

Some things have been troubling me (F30) lately and I just don’t know what’s in my head, what I should be worrying about and if/ how to address it with my partner (M32).

We have in many ways a great relationship even though some rough patches. The other day we talked about porn and I asked him what he watches but he didn’t want to share, saying some aspect of mystery needs to be maintained in the relationship. I sometimes watch porn too but think it is also problematic how it depicts women and sometimes very young girls.

This has gotten me on a spiral thinking about all the things related that I am not comfortable with. Like him romanticizing depiction of young girls, such as the 13 year old character Marty in Beautiful girls and the older man seeing her as the ultimate potential. I know this is a popular movie, but it immediately raises a red flag for me that he seems to lack any sort of critical perspective on this kind of depiction. Also interactions that he shared about with younger girls, one 15 year old whom he was tutoring saying she had romantic feelings for him, and me feeling he lacked some clarity regarding his role of setting clear boundaries as an adult. And another one where he met an 18 year old and went with her across town in the middle of the night because they where having a deep conversation (after leaving me for the night). He says nothing happened and that it wasn’t romantic or sexual, yet I still sense he is getting something from this, some innocence, perhaps getting to be the older and wiser one. Or maybe he honestly just enjoyed her company.

We both have experience with dating someone double our age in our late teens. I am now questioning the intention of the guy I was with, but I feel he doesn’t quite have the same perspective.

He is very assertive as a person and sometimes this turns me on, but sometimes it makes me really uncomfortable, and I don’t feel he 100% gets boundaries. He also doesn’t handle rejection or criticism very well.

The fact that he didn’t want to share his porn preferences just made me wonder what it can be. I understand that not everything needs to be shared in a relationship, yet I find myself troubled by this. I am currently considering what level of transparency can be expected in a relationship and how to deal with these elements that I find troubling.

TDLR; my boyfriend doesn’t want to share his porn preferences and I am wondering if it involves younger girls or violent elements. I find his lack of critical perspective troubling and wonder what level of transparency to expect.

Submitted December 30, 2018 at 07:22AM by wonder_ling http://bit.ly/2ApG0jn