(UPDATE) My mother (52F) and I (23F) are not on speaking terms anymore, but I’m heading home for Christmas.

Original post

My original post didn't garner a lot of attention, but I thought I'd update because I did get some really good advice.

The advice I got most I'd say is: don't go. Rationally, that was definitely the way to go, but I went against it, knowing full well it could backfire. Thankfully, it didn't, and this is a happy-ish update.

Before I delve into the holiday itself, I have to back up a bit. In November, my grandma was visiting my parents, and when I called her, she put my mom on, which forced me to talk to her. That discussion went very well, but the best part is that, by the end, I knew not to get excited and think everything was going to be okay now. I took it exactly for what it was: a good moment that most likely would not last. I avoided getting any expectations and I continued practicing gray-rocking (which had been suggested to me on the RBN sub).

I arrived on December 24th at my parents, and everything went well. They tried controlling my eating habits and starving me, but I got pissed and explained very nicely that I don't need to be treated like a child. They then agreed to let me feed myself, I guess expecting me to eat junk food (I don't eat it, but they think I do), and they were so surprised to see I'm healthy that they actually backed off. I haven't had another fight with either of them since.

My mum has tried to get a rise out of me every day since I've been here. I haven't engaged and she's fuming because I'm absolutely not responding and dealing fine. I actually managed to get a couple of decent conversations with her, and made her understand that any attempt on her part to humiliate or hurt me would be useless. I've refused to discuss all the sensitive topics she uses to piss me off (the fact that I'm a childfree lesbian being the most recurrent) and I'm happy to say I actually feel great.

Bonus: I just received my grades for the semester, and they're all good (they'd qualify as "straight As" in the US). And I'm enjoying 10 days of free food.

I'm leaving in two days and I'm feeling confident that I'll be able to deal with my family in the future without having it hurt me. So all in all, I'd call this a success.

Thanks to the people who gave me advice! While "not going" made lots of sense and was sound advice, I'm kind of glad I went against it and finally found the strength to stand up for myself without draining my emotional energy.

TL;DR despite redditors advising me to stay home for Christmas, I went back to my parents'. I used gray-rocking to protect myself and it worked great! I'm heading into 2019 knowing I can protect myself from my mother's emotional abuse.

Submitted December 31, 2018 at 12:42AM by polisciprincess_ http://bit.ly/2EZbTmY