My (28F) partner (29M) left me the day before our ivf procedure and again on Xmas eve. How do I accept that it is over?

Hey all. So basically, I (28F) am heartbroken, my almost 4 year relationship is over. My partner (29M) and I were doing IVF, he was working away for 3 months at the time. So I did most od it on my own, it was a physically and emotionally burdensome on me, the day before the procedure he said he couldn't go through with it and he was unhappy. He then smashed up the house and I ended up in hosptial with a lacerated hand that I then needed surgery for. At the hospital he said he wanted to work things out. I gave him a chance and ended up off side with his family for arranging for us to have quality time together a few hours away at the beach. All was fine. Until he had a few drinks and run off with some people to do Cocaine, spending the night in the city with and at the house of a random girl he met in a bar. He didnt come back until the afternoon on Xmas day. Leaving me all alone in a random town. I ended up driving home and left him to get the train back. He reckons nothing happened with the chick. I don't even know anymore. I guess it doesn't matter because he now states that he just isn't in love with me anymore. Im so heartbroken. When I write it down I can see that it is very messed up, but for the most part he is a good person, that doesn't do drugs and he is my best friend. I feel ruined by this. I'm just crying all the time and I feel like it is my fault for being infertile and unlovable. I feel like he has just sabotaged this relationship, and I am struggling to accept it is over.

TL;DR my partner left me before our IVF procedure anda again on xmas eve. How do I accept that it is over?

Submitted December 29, 2018 at 07:19PM by ebrads03 http://bit.ly/2TnkWBj