I [F27] just ended things with a guy [32M] because he wouldn’t respect my boundaries in the bedroom.

I made a throwaway for this, but if he does end up seeing this I guess it doesn’t really matter.

I’ve been seeing this guy Josh for a few weeks now. We met on a dating app, and I was really into him from date one. Super good looking, was a gentleman, super funny.

We took things slow physically. Like I said, he was a real gentleman and never made me feel pressured. After our second date we made out a bit, but I told him I was on my period and I didn’t want the first time we sleep together to be like that. And the next morning I woke up to a little “Aunt Flo” care package at my door! A handwritten note, a bottle of wine, some chocolate and 2 joints tucked away at the bottom. It was so sweet and no one has ever done something like that for me.

Fast forward a few days, it’s after another date and I’m back at his place and we start having sex. It’s REALLY amazing, a lot of chemistry on both our ends. But this is where it starts to go downhill.

We were both a bit drunk, and I told him to get a condom. He sort of dragged his feet about it a little, then said he didn’t have any because it’s been awhile, and before I know it we’re having unprotected sex. (I know that’s really dumb of me to agree to, I was just drunk and not thinking straight. I’m normally better about that)

So it’s near the end and I’m telling him to cum ON me multiple times, and next thing I know he’s cum inside me.

I’m PISSED. He’s instantly full of regret and saying sorry. I leave his place for the night and when I get home send him a long text of how I felt about what happened. How it was NOT okay and cannot happen again.

He then sent me a really long apology. A GOOD apology. Owned up to it, no excuses (oh you were just so sexy, etc) and even wrote about it from my perspective. How in his 32 years that’s never something that’s happened before, how that’s not representative of his character and he hates that he broke my trust.

Anyway, the next morning he showed up bright and early with a plan B and gave another good apology and I forgave him. But strictly told him, “that won’t happen again. It’s condoms now or nothing. If I ever feel like my boundaries are ignored, or I’m disrespected like that again, we’re done.” To which he whole heartedly agree.

I also told him that how he acts the next time we have sex, is going to be the real indicator. That he can apologize all day, but how he changes from his mistakes the next time is what’s important. He also agreed.

So I go home for Christmas, and we’re texting a bunch. I really like him and he likes me. But I have this leftover anxiety from that first night we slept together, just a general feeling awful about it, a bad gut feeling. But I push it aside and remind myself that it all just depends on how he handles himself the next time.

Now we’re on to last night. He comes over, we start fooling around. We get to the point where I ask for a condom and he agrees and puts it on. Eventually he loses his boner and it comes off. At this point, he’s focusing a lot on me but then he comes up and we’re kissing and he SUBTLY tries to put his dick in me without a condom.

I immediately stop him and I’m so mad. The mood is ruined. He is apologizing and says he doesn’t know why he keeps fucking this up, etc. it’s really late so I end up falling asleep.

When I woke up this morning, he wanted to be all cuddly and hold me and I just...couldn’t. I felt so uncomfortable. I just didn’t want him touching me because suddenly I didn’t trust him? I don’t know.

He asked if we were still on for our date tonight and I told him no. That I’m really upset about last night still and need some time. He’s visibly upset at himself but he understands and he leaves.

BACKGROUND: I’m currently in therapy for about 9 months now and my biggest issue I’ve been working on is asserting my boundaries in relationships. I feel like this was a big test for me, because I also can’t help old feelings of guilt and feeling like I was too harsh and made the wrong decision.

Does anyone else have thoughts on if I should give him one more chance? Thanks.

TL;DR: Guy I’ve been seeing for a few weeks is really wonderful except for when it comes to the bedroom. Keeps disrespecting my boundary of needing a condom. I ended it after the second strike, but I’m not confident about my decision.

EDIT:

He just texted me:

“When I'm with you, that's the only place I wanna be. When I'm not with you, being with you is the first thing on my mind. When we're in bed, I want to do everything in my power to make you feel good and for some reason the part of my brain that's responsible for rational decision making turns completely off.”

To which I replied:

“Yeah sorry but that's crap. I get you like me, but at the end of the day you are 32 not 17. And the whole "I just lose myself and can't make a rational decision" is bullshit. You know what you're doing, I've made myself extremely clear so there's no reason that shouldn't have been your priority last night. And IF you really are just "losing yourself in the moment" then fuck that too, because I'm not risking myself or my boundaries just because you get caught up in sex.”

Thank you for all your supportive words! I feel a lot better about my decision!

Submitted December 29, 2018 at 08:37AM by badatboundaries123 http://bit.ly/2EU7Zvn