I [19F] feel uncomfortable with the study abroad student living with us [18F], and I don't know how to proceed.

Throwaway because I have family on Reddit. Perhaps this is a trivial matter, but it has been on my mind long enough that I've decided to ask for some outside opinions.

About a month and a half ago, my family welcomed a study abroad student into our home (we'll call her M). She is from a country whose culture is really quite similar to my mother's, so I did not expect to have any issues regarding that. From the get-go, M has been very enthusiastic about being a part of our family and was very eager to form friendships with me and my sister. My mother was also excited to have a study abroad student so similar to herself, in terms of culture and religion, and they quickly became very close.

I am naturally a very introverted person. I'm friendly, but it takes a while for me to develop real friendships. Just two weeks into her stay, M started being a little too physically intimate with me for my liking. For example, she would snuggle up to me as I checked my phone or would start patting my back or playing with my hair at really random times. She would also constantly try to join me in activities that I wanted to do alone and I felt obliged to let her tag along. It doesn't help that my mother is now inviting her to absolutely everything, including occasions that were formerly just me and her (like our movie nights and even mother-daughter coffee outings).

I did not want to embarrass her, so I asked my mother to gently broach the subject if she were to bring it up. Sure enough, she did (when she was alone with my mom), and my mom just explained my personality and how it takes time for me to warm up to new people.

This kind of stuff continued for a while, despite the little talk with my mom, and so eventually I sat her down and made sure to kindly tell her I was uncomfortable with her pushiness with regards to our friendship. She told me she understood. Again, however, no change.

My subconscious response to her behavior was to be a little frigid and distant to compensate for her very intense personality. Obviously, this wasn't the best way to deal with the situation, but my natural response is it retreat when I feel overwhelmed by people. I guess she took this as an insult.

So at Christmas, she wrote everyone a Christmas card, but wrote me an extra letter that she put in the gift bag. I felt that this letter was a bit passive aggressive, but I think I might also be overreacting. Something she wrote that stood out: "Sometimes people stay, and you have to let them in." This irritated me because I don't like being told how to feel or what to do, and I feel like this was a euphemism for "stop being so reserved".

I want to make it clear that I completely understand that as a study abroad student, it can be difficult to adjust to a new cultural environment, and missing your friends and family can make you crave social interaction. However, I made my boundaries clear to her, and she's continued to cross them. This post may make me seem mean, but I really have tried my best to be welcoming and understanding while also maintaining a comfortable distance.

Am I being unreasonable? How should I proceed? I no longer want to feel uncomfortable in my own home, but I also don't want M to feel oppressed or anything.

TL;DR - The study abroad student living in my house is crossing some personal boundaries with regards to our friendship, and despite several conversations with her, she hasn't changed her behavior.

Thank you in advance for any advice.

Submitted December 28, 2018 at 09:36AM by coconutchips8 http://bit.ly/2LEFsdX