Wife [28/F] won't put her foot down with her sister [34/F]. I [29/F] refuse to budge on this and it's causing a lot of discord.

Some details changed. Throwaway. My SIL's world is insane and I am absolutely done with them. Wife won't back me up, says she's "considering" helping her sister (even after everything my SIL and BIL have done) and may give them (sister-in-law, niece, and possibly soon-to-be ex) a room to stay in. My answer is a firm NO WAY but she won't consider my feelings or everything her sister/BIL have done.

My sister-in-law Caitlin has been married to Scott for almost a decade. They only got married because she told him they had to get married or break up. So, he married her. Scott's family own a small family contracting business and have some real estate holdings. They didn't have a happy married life and nothing ever made any sense. Scott and Caitlin lived like they were mega rich. They would spend money to make themselves happy. Scott bought a $50,000 sports car and after a year returned it for a $200,000 car. He's not a skilled laborer in his dad's company and my SIL was a receptionist/office worker.

For years they flaunted money in our face. I was going through school and doctoral-level education and we lived tight. My SIL was routinely very rude, condescending and difficult. She made holidays difficult; she controlled every conversation and talked about her money and riches. She would invite herself out with us and then proceed to complain when we wouldn't eat at a Michelin starred restaurant for lunch. We could never figure it out - the business wasn't that big or that well known. They don't have vast land holdings, we could never figure out how they could afford to live like they do - I estimate they spent close to $300,000 a year. From early on in our marriage, I disliked Caitlin but have grown to truly hate her over the years. She put-down her parents, my wife, her friends, our live and everything in between. She threw an absolute fit when she tried to "organize" Christmas (a year we were spending with my family) and it was going to be a Mediterranean cruise. When no one agreed, she became infuriated and refused to talk to family for 3 months.

(What follows is 100% true. This goes to show Scott's character) I knew both Caitlin and Scott growing up - they were a few years older than me and my older sister knew both of them and went to school with them. Scott is pretty much a monster. He's a large, angry inebriate with a short temper and a penchant for outbursts of anger over the least provocation. For example, my MIL made a pie... for my birthday... and Scott thought there'd be cake, so he punctured his own car tire. This is par for the course. Even growing up, Scott was a great big galoot - an awkward, large kid who often picked on kids half his age. He'd beat them up and hold his arms above his head like a boxer would... this after beating up a 9 year old when he was 17. He was well known in town and us younger kids took to carrying weapons when out - I had a claw hammer and my friends had mallets and other implements. The rule was, if he picked on of us off, the others would fight. He was 17 and probably 375lbs. It was all we could do. Fortunately, I never got hit by him, but our friends had to implement our strategy once to pretty great success. The rumor in the town (that is less of a rumor at this point) was that his "change of heart" came after he received a starlight ride from town police officers on his 18th birthday.

Anyway, my SIL has been just an awful, uncaring, person. My wife is pregnant and SIL has basically done what she can to ruin it. She married Scott because she saw dollar signs, not because she ever loved him. He's angry, obnoxious, rude and difficult. He's perpetually causing trouble and despite being the assistant to the contractors has been the reason they've lost contracts before (he peed in a woman's garden during a job).

Scott's parent's business (think of small town big shots) has had a spate of bad luck, including a visit from the IRS. The on-going problems have been severe and Scott's family has basically gone underground. No one has seen his parents in months, they don't leave the house and the business offices are being used by "government people" according to my SIL. She was 'fired' from the business and has been out of work for a couple of weeks. I've long suspected they've been peddling illicit substances, there's just too many things I've noticed as weird.

My SIL never paid off her home. No money coming in means they need to get out of their house. Scott and my SIL split a few months ago but were sharing a residence. Years of financial excess and they're left with nothing. They're coming hat-in-hand to us (my in-laws never had a lot of money and so deeply dislike Scott that they won't finance them until he's out of the picture permanently) for some money to cover expenses. I'm of the mind that they can all starve. They created this situation and they can get themselves out of it. My wife, however, won't follow her parents or listen to me. She's "considering" options and wants us to think about giving them a room to stay in for a few months and some money to cover late bills. They want a place to stay driving a $200,000 car. No way. Not happening.

My wife and I have had long discussions and actual fights about this. She's worried what will come of her sister and niece. I frankly don't care. I don't want them living in our house, especially since they'd be here for the birth of our child. Years of horrible treatment by my SIL and a soon-to-be ex-BIL with a capacity of violence just isn't going happen. Neither have the skills to survive any amount of time independent of the company's money and they simply won't make rational steps to mend their situation. I feel zero obligation to help any of them, while my wife simply won't put her foot down and cries when anyone (including her parents) discuss this with her.

I'm at my wit's end and worried I'll come home and find them there. I need help speaking to my wife

tl;dr my SIL and her soon-to-be ex are small town thugs. Rude, abusive and difficult. My BIL is a terrible human. Wife still considering giving them assistance now that they've fallen on their own sword and will not listen to reason. She gets upset and worries about what will come of her sister/niece. I can't get through to her.

Submitted November 27, 2018 at 10:01AM by Buttinsky24 https://ift.tt/2TPffgq