tl;dr
Thanks to you it's been 1 year after my first post and 6 months after my 8-year old relationships with totally lack of intimacy has ended. And you know what, life can be better, can be worse. But at leaste give it a chance. I have tried. And I think, I won. Thank you
Okay, back to the 600pages novel writing mode.
In the original post i have described my situation about my first and longest - 8 years - relationship with woman, who has been perfect. But our life together was not perfect. It was getting sad, miserable, destroying us as people. Because lack of sex.
Back there, 1 year ago we hit a lowest point - we had a break-up talk. That was the deal breaker, which forced me to post our story here, on reddit. You told me, that we should finish this. I knew that deep in my heart, but i think, i needed confirmation. I needed to see another point of view, from someone, who has not been attached to me or her. Your posts really made my day. Hope has appeard, i had it, i knew, that maybe, just maybe, it can be better as separate beings.
I have shown her your posts. She had read it all and she told me, that it really looks hard for me. 2 months later we have started our final therapy. Therapist said, that she doesn't see any reason for both of us to come, as it's clearly problem with my gfs priorites, so she started going there alone.
It lasted 4 months, after which she said me one of the worst, but at same time, most needed, words in my life - that she was forcing herselft ALL THE TIME to have sex with me, that she was never fully been into me as a man and she consider me as a brother. It hit me like a train - all this time, person who was my partner, friend, girlfriend, lover, almost wife... She didn't desire me at all. But I.... I needed it! It pushed me from stanby mode to the action. We decided to break up.
In april, 7 months after my post, 3 months after the therapy ended we left our common flat to separate rooms in separate disticts. I was helping here with moving out, she was doing same for me. My first day as single after all the years as adult was... Nice. Good. I took day off the work. I woke up. And ihave decided to live on my own, smile, be better. I took dance lessons, i was training krav maga.
And i started dating.
My first date became the only person in my life (except my gf) who i could call my friend. We still have contact and we still eat pizza once per 2-3 weeks. She knows my fears, i know her tragic past. We know something other people doesn't know about us.
My 2nd date became my girflriend for a 1,5 month. She was kind, she was helpful, pretty. She wanted to have sex with me, not once per month, but twice per day. Can you imagine? After being rejected as a man, after feeling that you are a person who doesn't deserve any intimacy and you won't find anyone who's gonna hug you, there was a girl, who was doing totally opposite. And even if we broke up - sadly, it was my choice - i'm still happy i could do the things.
Now i'm dating girl no 3. Very, very, very kind, best person i have met with golden heart and golden smile. We met 2 times, i really really hope that we could try to be together, and i don't want to fk it up.
I've got ups and downs, i've got evenings when i cry and feel lonely.
But it's better than before. Because now I know what I can.
I can move on.
Thanks to you.
Submitted November 17, 2018 at 01:37PM by yaggar https://ift.tt/2zXY7Mi
No comments:
Post a Comment