Last year we got into an argument when he was drinking. It was late and he didn't like something I said so he grabbed me around the neck with one hand and squeezed. I kicked him, and he squeezed harder. It only lasted for a moment, but the next day I had red fingerprint marks around my neck.
He was very ashamed and he quit drinking the very next day. He hasn't drank since.
This week we got into another argument which escalated. This was probably due to various factors, including a lack of sleep, dealing with some stressful things for over a month and feeling some resentment towards each other. It dissolved into a shouting match essentially where we were both saying nasty things. I can't even recall what I said (and he doesn't remember either) but apparently I said something as I walked away that really set him off.
He walked up to me and threw me on the couch and put his one hand around my neck and squeezed. I was furious that he would do that again, so I lashed out kicking him and hitting him. He stopped, and that was the end of it. However, I once again have red marks on my neck and it was tender to the touch for 2 days. He has a bruise on his arm from me hitting him.
He apologized and said he loves me. He's been nice to me since, but he will make little jokes about "the fight". I've tried to tell him how serious it is because he attacked me physically for a verbal fight. He said that no, words have consequences and I can't expect to say anything I want (although I don't even recall exactly what I said) and expect to get away with it. He said women don't physically fight as kids/teens so they don't have a healthy fear when it comes to saying horrible things.
But he keeps trying to kind of cajole me into joking about it. Calling me Slugger. Teasing me about it. Downplaying it. I once said he was abusive and he scoffed at it. He said we are both abusive. I told him I never touched him until he started choking me and he tries to pretend he doesn't remember the sequence of events (I've never in my life touched him other than the 2 times he choked me).
Anyway, he's just really wanting to go back to normal. Comes up and gives me a hug, etc. I do want to let it go, but at the same time since it's happened twice (and this time he isn't really seeming to get how serious it is), I'm assuming at some point it will happen again. I don't want to go through this again and I'm not sure if therapy is the right way to address it.
TLDR: husband physically assaulted me, and I defended myself. He is completely downplaying it and making jokes about it and feels we are equally to blame. He wants to just move on and stop dwelling on negative things.
Submitted November 17, 2018 at 02:41PM by witchwinnona https://ift.tt/2TmTZOU
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