Hello y'all, this is a throwaway because my husband knows my main account. Here is a little bit of background: Husband and I have been married 3 years, together 4. Our relationship has been pretty solid, no history of infidelity, we are the "model couple", everyone always talks about how great we are, etc etc. Of course we have our issues like every couple, but we usually talk things out pretty efficiently and have never had any major issues or any breakups/intervals, everything has been pretty good since day one.
About me: I have an 11 yr old that my husband adopted once we got married, no questions asked, he has been there for her, and he is an amazing father to her. He knows of my struggle as a single mom, he knows I raised her on my own with no help from anybody and never asked her DNA provider for a dime, his name is not even on her BC.
Ever since I got pregnant, my husband has done everything to make sure I am comfortable, healthy, never skipped a docs appointment, he's the one who hand-feeds me my prenatals, etc. Now, with that being said, ever since we found out I was pregnant, he has been having these weird random mental breakdowns (usually when he drinks too much). He starts being slightly rude to me, or freaks out about not being "ready" to be a father (he already adopted the other kid???), starts saying he's gonna f*ck up the kid, etc. Once he goes off on this tangent I always make sure to comfort him and tell him he's gonna do great, he already does, blah blah blah. Basically he has been on and off with this bs throughout my whole pregnancy - but still consistent with being a good husband and father to our daughter, and these were just "episodes". He would snap out of it and go back to normal next day, like nothing happened. I'd talk to him and he'd apologize and tell me he's just going through it, he worries about not being good enough, all that stuff. I kept joking him he was being possessed and this total stranger was taking over him every other week - but now I am kinda convinced he really is going through something serious and needs some freaking therapy.
(Maybe it's important to mention that my husband has slightly crappy parents and a specially messed up relationship with his dad, they barely talk, my husband hates how his dad is (drinks too much, takes pills, doesn't work, etc). His mom is a narcissist a**hole but he adores her and I mind my own about it because... that's none of my business. They live almost 4 hours away so it's not like I have to deal with them a whole lot)
Anyway... I am 37 weeks pregnant today and last night, out of the freaking blue, my husband just casually said: "I'm going to put 18+ years into raising this baby so I wanna make sure it is mine, we should get a DNA test once he's here". My husband is constantly joking so I was like "lol ur dumb", because I legitimately thought he was kidding! That's when he reiterated the whole thing and confirmed he wasn't joking! I was effin OFFENDED and said: "I'm totally down for a paternity test, just make sure you bring the divorce papers when you bring the paperwork for the DNA test so we can get both things done at the same time. Make sure to get the legit DNA tests that we can use in court once I file for child support too, they're like 100 bucks."
He then proceeds to apologize, that he didn't mean it like that, he didn't think that by asking for the paternity test = implying that the baby wasn't his, begged me not to leave him, told me he is just freaking out and maybe some part of him just wanted to find a way to get out of this huge responsibility. He kept repeating he loves me, he bought us this house, he did everything for me, he never wanted any of this until he met me (which is kinda true, when I met him he did not want to get married, he did not want to commit to a house, basically was a hobbit), that this is all for me, because he loves me. He asked me to please keep in mind that he IS that oblivious (also true, my husband is known for saying shit that either makes no sense, or stuff that slightly hurts people's feelings because he just thinks if you're telling the truth it shouldn't hurt, or like his mom would say "he's painfully honest like me" -- where I'm from that's called being a rude a-hole but ok) and that things don't sound as bad in his head before he says it.
Proceeded to say he didn't think I was gonna take offense to it, that he thought I'd understand... ?????????? I asked him if he did not remember CONCEIVING OUR CHILD, because we were sober, we had the FLO app on, we looked at the ovulation date together, he even said "guess we're making a baby today!", like wtf, how are you gonna act like you weren't there for it? He kept apologizing and saying that he does remember, and that I am right and that he doesn't know why that even crossed his mind, and kept asking me not to give up on him and give him a chance to fix things.
Honestly I'd take 300 paternity tests. I explained to him the paternity test isn't the issue here. The issue is him having the audacity to question my morals and my loyalty to him when he knows damn well I raised a kid on my own and never asked anyone for anything for years. I explained that I'd understand him wanting a paternity test if we were dating, or if I were a one-night stand, or even if we were in a fight or broken up at the time. I also reminded him I wouldn't have a problem getting a freaking abortion had I gotten pregnant from cheating on him and we wouldn't be married anymore had I cheated on him. Also, I was totally uninterested in having other children, he was the one who wanted more kids to begin with!
I am trying to rationalize this as much as I can and not act out of anger and leave him, but honestly, I don't know if we can fix this. I didn't even know we had trust issues! I was completely unaware that he felt some type of way about this baby until he said this. I don't know what to do. Please help me :(
TLDR: Husband decided to ask for a paternity test which I am happy to oblige, however, I told him I want a divorce with the DNA test, because I felt extremely disrespected by his request. Am I being unreasonable?
EDIT: I'm crying hysterically - sorry if I messed up with typos and formatting.
EDIT 2: THANK YOU for all the replies, the pleasant ones and the not so pleasant ones too. I would like to make it clear that divorcing my husband is the last thing I want to do in my life. I wrote this post because I needed help managing my anger and navigating through my feelings, so my feelings were raw when I laid them out to you. The dude is my whole life, I adore him, and I know he feels the same about me. However, he did fuck up and I feel like I held him accountable and said what I had to say to get him to snap out of his bs. I will definitely be attending to couple's therapy and I will push the individual therapy envelope also. This is an emotional time for both of us and we're both human, I'm not against him, I'm with him and for us, always. Anyway, thanks again for taking the time to talk to me, I appreciate you all. <3
Submitted November 17, 2018 at 09:21PM by myhusbandispossessed https://ift.tt/2OQHHur
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