My mom (F52) keeps complaining that I (F20) never talk to her about anything, yet won't realize it's completely her fault

I have a pretty estranged relationship with my parents. My dad has always been abusive both physically and emotionally, and my mom is a classic enabler. Him and pretty much his entire family have been abusive towards her as well, ever since he married her, yet she never even thought about leaving, no matter how hard I begged.

I guess my parents are those people to get married to anyone just so the neighbors wouldn't talk. I seriously can't think of another reason to stay, because she surely doesn't love him, and he sure as hell doesn't love her either.

What you need to know about my parents is that mom is really terrified of dad. I can't blame her, because he used to beat the shit out of her nearly every day while we were kids, call her stupid etc. He'd often do it in front of us as well, and if any of us tried to interfere, we'd have the same destiny. I remember crying and consolating her after each time, begging her to get us out of here, but she'd say some brainwashed shit and nothing changed. I grew up to be afraid of my dad and sorry for my mom.

As I felt sorry for my mom, I tried to be her friend. I'd try so hard to have a great relationship with her ever since I was a little kid and would tell her everything, because I knew it made her smile. She only had me, after all, since my brother was acting more like dad as years went by.

I trusted her. I'd tell her pretty much everything, even all the times I'd do something wrong, and soon regretted it - she was so scared of dad finding out and blaming her, that she'd tell him. Each time. While she thought I was sleeping. I let it slip a few times, but it soon became clear to me - my mom thought more about protecting herself than me.

I hated her for it. As I grew more, my brother became a snitch too, and therefore the golden child. I don't blame him - it was either be abused, or become an abuser. He went the easier way. I decided I needed to distance myself.

I'm 20 now. None of them have any idea what's happening in my life. I have great friends. I have a boyfriend. I go to therapy every Friday. They don't know, even though we all live in the same house.

I had a breakdown tonight. Mom saw me and rushed to ask what was wrong, but I snapped at her and told her to get the fuck out of my room. She then screamed at me, played the victim card and asked me repeatedly why I never tell her anything. Why I'm so distant, why none of them have any idea who I am. Why I'm "destroying the family".

I just remembered the time I told her I liked a boy in high school, and she told me that he probably didn't like me back and only wanted me for sex. That boy was my first boyfriend, and I was preparing to tell her that. I never did. I remembered the time I told her I was starting therapy, and she went batshit crazy on me for being a "whiny baby" and how she has it worse. I remembered all the times she gaslighted me and made me regret ever telling her anything.

And now she's so surprised that I don't want her in my life at all? And blames my friends who "will never be as good of a friend as she could've been". Give me a break.

TL;DR: Mom has been enabling family abuse for years and broke my trust multiple times and continues to gaslight me, yet is so surprised that I won't open up to her. How do I explain to her that I want literally nothing to do with her for the rest of my life?

Submitted November 18, 2018 at 07:49PM by fantasy_is_reality https://ift.tt/2qSX3oT