My fiance (33M) left me (33F) after three years, three days before my birthday, a month before our wedding.

My boyfriend and I got engaged a few months ago, our relationship was never easy, but we worked on it and things did get better, not perfect, but better. Our last week together wasn't easy, my dog got sick and I was very stressed and cried a lot, he was helpless with all my emotions, I was helpless with his helplessness and we ended up fighting quite a bit. One morning we were arguing, he said we will talk about it in the car (we had to go get my wedding dress fixed as I lost some weight), I went in the bathroom before we go and when I got out he was gone. I tried calling but he wouldn't answer. I was left home with a panic attack.

I know it is probably for the best, but right now I feel like it can't get any worse than that. I was looking forward to starting a family, and now I am 33 years old and alone.

I was unable to eat since he left, we haven't talked (except for when he came to pick up some things), I lost 4 kilos on the first week. Now it's the beginning of the second week and I feel so lost. I continue going to work and try functioning as much as possible. I keep wishing and hoping he will come back while trying to convince myself with the sad truth - we should not be together even if he did ask to get back together. It hurts a lot, and I know it's just been a week so it's ok that it does. I am so scared and worried I'll never trust anyone ever and never have my own family. I am so lucky to have my friends and family supporting me every day since and I guess I should just focus on everything that I do have. Even some of HIS friends reached out to be there for me and some even said that I was the fun one and how sad they are I won't be there when he comes and that made my hurt ego feel a bit better. Still, I feel lost, and I feel horrible for losing the love of my life, I feel guilty (each one of us did their best, but you know) and embarrassed and unworthy of love.

He broke up with me and came back many times before, which makes it all more confusing ,is it final? It Should be! Does he regret it? He already knew who I was and what I am like, why did he decide to marry me? Why did he decide to leave?

He said he knew I wanted to get married and felt he had to, but then way before I mentioned wanting to get married he would talk about it and our future and our kids etc. Sometimes it felt like we were only allowed to talk about it when he wanted, because if I did it was pushy, but if he did it was nice and romantic...

How do I move on? What do I do now?

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TL;DR - My fiance left me right before my birthday a month before our wedding. I am heartbroken, I know it's for the best, but I don't know how to move on, what do I do now?

Submitted November 01, 2018 at 08:35AM by Kimoa85 https://ift.tt/2RtZpFN