I [30F] caught my boyfriend [29M] cheating on me. I freaked out and now he’s calling my reaction abusive and threatening a restraining order. Did I overreact?

My now-ex and I were together five years. The last year was hard. He grew distant and uncommunicative and that led to a lot of fights. At one point he floated the possibility we should just break up. I told him I thought we could work it out and he agreed.

Nonetheless, his behavior didn’t change. We stopped having sex and he started working late all the time and would act cagey if I got anywhere near his phone. I know this is a big no-no, but one day when he had left for work I went through his computer. I just didn’t know what else to do. Anyway, I found romantic messages between him and a friend of his from college that went back months.

I texted him about the messages and he responded that work was really stressful for him that day and he’d discuss it with me later. I sent him more messages telling him I needed an answer and if I didn’t get answer I would kick him out of our home. He finally responded and said he was very angry with me and we would talk tonight.

When he got home he chastised me for bothering him on such an important day and said my behavior was abusive. He told me that he has already brought up us breaking up and that he had been considering ending the relationship for a while, but I was too self involved to notice that it was probably already over. He then said he needed some space and would be staying at a friend’s house while he figured out if he wanted to be with me or not.

I agreed. After he left, I ran the conversation over in my head and it made me rage. I sent him an email telling him that whenever we get into these arguments he controls everything and makes me feel voiceless, and that he always wants to have his cake and eat it too. He didn’t respond.

I haven’t heard from him in days. He left his dog behind and when I contacted him to ask him what he wanted to do with his dog he told me that I wasn’t respecting his request for space and that he would be blocking me from further contact and if I try to contact him again he will get a restraining order against me. He told me that I am abuse and manipulative and he doesn’t feel safe around me and he is requesting this for his own safety.

I feel like I’m going crazy. All his shit including his 12 year old Irish Setter is here and I don’t know what to do with it. He’s also on the lease and we bought a car together which he took with him. I’ve tried contacting him twice but he is so combative and convinced I’m the bad guy that I’m terrified to do anything. I feel stuck and also responsible for the mess. All of our friends our mutual and he asked that I not tell anyone what’s going on so that we don’t drag our friends into the situation and create a bunch of drama. My parents are useless and I know my mom will just tell me to make it up to him and try to fix the relationship.

I don’t know what to do. Am I in the wrong? Please help.

Tl;dr: Caught boyfriend cheating. I freaked out and texted him all day and now he’s saying he doesn’t feel safe around me and is threatening a restraining order. I don’t know how to contact him and I’m afraid all our friends will think I’m an abuser.

Submitted November 01, 2018 at 08:43AM by hotchok https://ift.tt/2qjERVc