My boyfriend [26M] wants to break up with me [23F] over a sudden trip I'm making to attend my aunt's burial in another country.

My boyfriend [26M] and I [23F] have been dating for 3.5 years now. I'm Asian American and he his white. My aunt back in Asia was suddenly in hospice care last month after battling with cancer. My mom left the country immediately to be with her sister. My boyfriend and I debated as to when I should go be with her. The options were; a) see her before she dies or b) participate in the funeral. My boyfriend was pushing me to go towards option b.

When my mom got to Asia she told me that I needed to come ASAP. So that's what I did. I left the country two days later and planned my trip so I would be back in under a week because my boyfriend wanted me by his side before he started his new job even if that cost more than a longer trip. My aunt died two days after I came home but I am grateful that I was able to say goodbye.

It's been a couple of weeks since then and my mother is still with her family in Asia. According to the Buddhist traditions, the ashes are going to be buried on the 49th day after her death. That day is on Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is the most important holiday to my boyfriend. I've never been able to celebrate it with him due to school but this was supposed to be our first Thanksgiving together since I've graduated.

My mom encouraged/convinced me to go back to Asia for the burial since I missed the funeral/cremation. After my experience of seeing her and the family before her death, I decided that I wanted to be there for the burial. I told my boyfriend about this two weeks ago. He was there when I told his grandmother (who is hosting Thanksgiving) about me going to the burial instead of Thanksgiving. He was mildly upset about it but she completely understood.

Since then we haven't talked about my trip or Thanksgiving. He's been stressed out about the new job and I got a promotion at mine. My mom has also been pushy about me booking a flight.

I booked the flight while on the phone with her on Tuesday night. I wanted to tell him about the flight on Wednesday but he had a really bad day at work. I didn't want to make his day worse by telling him about a trip he's disgruntled about. Things got away from me and we've only been hanging out with friends for the last few days so I haven't been able to tell him about the flight.

Earlier today (Saturday), we were hanging out with a friend on an hour-long drive to get dinner together when the topic of Thanksgiving came up. He let me know that Thanksgiving was happening at his Aunt's place now and all the drama surrounding that.

"Wait, you're not still going to Japan around then right?"

"I'm still going. Remember, I told you and your grandmother about the trip."

"I don't remember that. I thought you told me that you decided against going. You haven't gotten tickets yet right?"

"I got them earlier this week. ^Sorry."

After dinner, we were able to spend some one on one time together and he got upset. He thought that I wasn't going, refused to remember that I was going. Then he asked me how long I'm gone for. November 14th to the 24th. It was the cheapest flight I could find given the holiday weekend. I want to spend time with my family that I never get to see, especially since my aunt passed so suddenly.

He was not happy that I'm going to be gone for so long. He said that he's not going to bother with Thanksgiving and just stay depressed at home.

He said that he wanted to be alone so I went home. After I got home he tried to break up with me via text because my trip came out of nowhere for him. He doesn't believe me when I said that he was informed that I decided to go to the burial. He thought that I was only going to go on that one trip before my aunt died and not to any of the following ceremonies.

I got upset. He told me that I was making the breakup ugly and that he thought I would be respectful about it. I said that respect is breaking up in person after 3.5 years together and not over the phone. He hasn't contacted me since then so I have no idea what my relationship status is right now. All I know is that I'm angry that this is even happening.

I know I should have told him that I bought my tickets sooner than when I did and that's my fault. But, am I being selfish for wanting him to give me some leeway after the death of a loved one? All I want is for him to respect that I want to mourn with my family, help take care of my aging grandmother, be with my mom who hasn't been home in months because of all of this, and deal with my grief without having additional stress about him unhappy that I'm on this trip. Am I being unreasonable?

TLDR; I'm going out of the country for my aunt's burial and didn't double check the dates with my boyfriend. He wants to break up with me because this trip came out of nowhere. I informed him and his family about this two weeks ago.

Submitted November 04, 2018 at 12:06AM by SweatyWelcome https://ift.tt/2QihUwK