Longtime reader of this sub, first-time poster. I’d love to be one of those people who says I never thought I’d post here, but I’ve actually considered it a lot. We are old, complicated people with our fair share of challenges despite our deep affection for one another.
We have been living on opposite sides of the U.S. for a couple of months now due to my work. These stints of LDR have been happening for the past couple of years. I’m not sure this even matters, but it’s important context for why all of this is happening over text and phone. Oh, and for the fact that he is about to pack all the rest of our apartment up and drive thousands of miles to join me here.
The city where we met and where he still is just suffered a horrific tragedy. No one we know directly was killed, but some friends of friends were there/injured. also a couple people in our friend circle just died unrelated to this, and we have both been dealing with a ton of outside stressors. We handle emotions very differently, as well. He emotes, I clam up and keep busy.
He texted me last night because he was upset with a cousin over his handling of the tragedy. This cousin and his whole extended family live in yet another city, about 300 miles from him. Those relationships have been rocky and distant for a long time. As far as I gather, the exchange when something like this:
Boyfriend: “11 people killed in my town, and not a peep from anyone out there?”
Friend: “I was unaware that you had converted” (if you haven’t guessed, this tragedy had to do with religion)
So boyfriend texted me furious with the cousin, and I found myself completely disgusted with my boyfriend. He has a tendency to be a little self-involved, but this just struck me as outrageous. 11 people killed, and he uses it as an opportunity to pick a fight with his family over the fact that they don’t pay enough attention to him?
We fought over text for the rest of the night, and haven’t spoken yet today. My texts were mostly trying to explain why his approach to was so inappropriate. His were justifications. We haven’t spoken today, and when I tried to call him he said he’d just sat down at the bar. I told him I didn’t want to talk if he’d had drinks, and I think he’s about to insist on it. I’m starting to feel very angry again and don’t know how this can be resolved.
Am I reasonable to be so horrified by this? Should I just accept his explanations and move on?
TL;DR: Boyfriend called extended family out for not checking in with him after a terrible event in our city, cousin made a shitty remark back, boyfriend sought out sympathy from me but instead I’m revolted.
Submitted November 03, 2018 at 05:04PM by itsallabouthim https://ift.tt/2P6GiF7
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