To set the scene - my fiance and I met two years ago, very quickly fell in love - fast forward to today and we are now engaged and happily living together with our first baby who was born this year (planned pregnancy). I know - quick haha. We have a great relationship - we are best friends, sex is great and often and we share the same kinks etc (sub:dom with me being sub). We both work (although I am on maternity leave at the moment) - I'm a doctor and he is a pilot.
However - the issue...
I am older than him by 5 years. He didn't know this when we first met because I (this is going to sound like bragging gah) look about 7 or 8 years younger than my real age - people are consistently shocked to find out how old I am. A new doctor I recently saw thought my date of birth was a clerical error and asked me to verify it haha. All of his friends also assumed I was younger than him when we first started dating, for example. So tl;dr we look like we are the same age. My fertility is also not an issue - I got pregnant within a month of trying to conceive (I'm a doctor so I do know fertility can start to decline more rapidly once you hit 35 but anyway - we're not looking to have more than 2 kids).
Anyhow despite looking the same age as him and fertility not being an issue - he has a small hang-up about the fact that I am older than him. He seems to think that five years is a BIG age difference just because I am the woman and he is the man (I personally don't agree at our age group i.e late 20s to 30s). He has told me that he likes that his friends automatically assume I am younger than him because of what I look like, and that he would rather they not find out the truth. He tells me that if he could wave a magic wand and make me younger than him on paper that he would do it. He says he doesn't care about making me look younger than I look now (although hell yeah I would wave that wand - what woman doesn't want to look younger! haha) because I look young enough - he purely just wants me to have a different date of birth. When pressed he cannot actually think of a tangible reason why this would be preferable or how it would improve his quality of relationship with me in any way. He says he thinks it might be a 'status' thing i.e younger wives are just seen as a higher status thing? But in any event that is just what he would prefer.
He says it isn't a big deal and it doesn't change how much he loves me at all, but for some reason it hurts my feelings that he would want to change my age. I would get it if I was 10 years or 15 years older - because that would have implications for us ever having children together / we may be in different life stages. But five years? I just feel like, at our ages, that's such a small difference that it's hardly worth mentioning or caring about.
I also think it is hurting my feelings because, as a woman, you really are very conscious (especially in today's youth obsessed social media culture) of getting 'older' and feeling 'old', and our partners perception of our 'youth' (sadly) often has a big impact on how desirable we feel. So when he tells me that he wishes I was younger it feels like he is saying that there is something "wrong" with my age and it makes me feel really... not sexy / desirable. Even though he insists it has no impact on how desirable he finds me and to be fair he does want sex from me constantly so he might be telling the truth. Talk about being stuck in the male gaze haha.
I know that <incoming broad generalisation> most men prefer younger women but I always assumed that this preference was just a surrogate for 'hotness' and 'fertility' i.e the younger women are (again a huge generalisation here) more likely to be hotter and more likely to be fertile and that is why they are more desired. I thought that if a slightly older woman looked the same as a woman slightly younger than her and had the same fertility then their small age difference would be moot.
Also I figured that it's just a preference and once you have a partner whom you adore that kind of thing just fades into the background, and that you wouldn't wish that they were younger just for the sake of status?
It bothering him to the extent of actively wishing he could change it / not wanting his friends to know just feels very petty and shallow and Red Pill-y.
I would love to get feedback from Reddit on why he might have this opinion and whether I should care or whether you think he's being immature or whether this is just totally normal?
Submitted November 04, 2018 at 08:52AM by maleficent_pudding https://ift.tt/2Dm9hyv
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