My (25F) mom (47F) can't be alone, is crawling back to the man (50sM) who destroyed her relationship with her son/my brother (21M) and terrorized her daughter/my sister (13F)

Okay, this is gonna be a long one.

My mother hasn't been single for a full year since probably before I was born. She has four kids by four different men - one walked out, one is a violent alcoholic, one is a serial cheater, and the latest one kicked my brother out of the house at age 17 and my mom didn't even try to fight it. By her own admission she has no idea how to be happy alone, and she told us she wants to figure that out and not have a man around. But she's told us that before and it always goes south.

So after her divorce in 2014, she moved in with her new boyfriend - like went straight from the marital home to his home. She took my brother and sister, sent me out, and immediately got pregnant.

And from the beginning there were issues. He would read her messages, read her emails, hated my brother and sister and treated them like dirt. Got angry when my mom wasn't home or when she did anything with us, but would never do things with her either. So basically expected her to sit at home?

It came to a head during my mom's pregnancy when her boyfriend and my brother actually came to blows, and my brother left. He spent his senior year of high school living in a camper in his friend's parents' yard, and then he left town when he graduated. His and my mom's relationship is trashed and will never be the same. I just got off the phone with my brother and he's in agreement on that.

SO, this summer, my mom decided she was done. She bought a house (first time in her life she's done that!) and left him. And I thought things were okay. I really did. I was actually really proud of her. Now it's just her and my sister (13) full-time and my youngest sister (3) part-time (splits time with her with the monster boyfriend). Part of the reason she left was because monster boyfriend had taken to screaming at the 13 y/o for things such as holding the 3 y/o when he wanted to leave with her. Screaming at mom. Just being belligerent, in addition to the snooping and controlling. So she left.

THE PROBLEM:

Last Sunday 10/21, my sister texted me late in the morning. She asked me to come get her because mom had come into her room crying and said she wanted to "go home" and be with the monster boyfriend, and then she had disappeared. So I went and picked her up, we came back to my house, and mom showed up around 5pm. Said she'd been at the church all day talking to one of the ministers there and had decided she needed to be alone (as rambled about up top).

But now she's sharing photos of her and monster boyfriend on Facebook, updating her relationship status to reflect being with him since 2014, and acting out all this rage. My sister is afraid to speak to her. And mom hasn't spoken to me all week. Last night 11/2 my sister rode the bus to my house after school and spent the night at my house. Today 11/3 we were supposed to go to an event with mom, but she never responded to messages. When we were leaving we tried to call her, but she picked up and immediately hung up. Then she messaged us a few hours into the event to say that my sister should stay with me again tonight. We have no idea where she is (well, obviously we have an idea, but hoping we're wrong.)

So here's the issues:

1. How do I keep my sister from going off the deep end when she lives alone with my mom?
2. What do I do if she takes my sister back to monster boyfriend's house after she told her, when they left, that she would never be going back there (verbatim!)
3. Can I apply for custody of my sibling because our mom's unstable and refuses to try to provide a safe and stable environment for her?
4. How do I get my mom to stop putting all of her issues on her 13-year-old's shoulders?

Planning to call our grandma in the morning and see if she knows anything or if she could talk to my mom, but right now I have a hysterical sister AND a hysterical brother and I'm really struggling to be the only adult in this situation and yet have ABSOLUTELY no ability to fix it? How do I manage this? How do I keep myself from going crazy too?

TLDR my mom can't be alone and would rather crawl back to a man who treats her and my siblings like garbage, and my siblings are looking to me for help and I feel completely useless to do anything about it

Submitted November 03, 2018 at 07:39PM by crazymomburner https://ift.tt/2D01pBG