I've come to realise that I'm nobody's best friend and it's kinda making me a little sad.
I have always been the friend that's there for people, I'm always available when my friends need me and I haven't fallen out with anybody. I'm the only person in my friends group in school that is still friends with everybody even though some of them don't talk anymore. So why am I not anyone's best friend?
I thought I was up until this year. 2018 has literally been all about friendships this year - losing, reconnecting and gaining. I've made new friends, I've reconnected with people I haven't spoken to for years and ended what I thought were good relationships but were actually toxic.
I have such a small circle, but I liked to think that the people I had in my circle were my best friends. But I've slowly started to realise that I'm not theirs. They don't love me and cherish me as I do them. And I feel quite sad about it.
I recently went on a hen/bachelorette weekend for one of my, what I thought, best friends. I organised everything because her bridal party are a shambles - I booked the flights, hotel, activities and collected the money. Her maid of honour bought sashes and a game.. Yet her maid of honour and bridesmaid were apparently the best people ever and she 'couldn't have asked anyone better to be her bridesmaids'. She actually said that infront of me and since then, I've felt quite crushed. It also made me realise that when my partner eventually proposes, I won't have someone put the effort in like I did for her and pull everyone together to make it special.
I'm the friend that is enthusiastic and happy for you, the friend that will be there for you even if we hadn't spoken for months and it was the only time you ever contacted me. I will tell you the truth, not what you want to hear. If you're a self-centred person, I'll let you talk about yourself and ask the right questions to let you feel heard. I'm the friend that has been through a lot of personal hell but doesn't bother others with it or be asked how I'm doing.
My two best friends from school got engaged this year - and neither asked me to be bridesmaid. Instead they asked other friends. I have friends who treat me better than that but they have friends closer to them than I. Nobody sees me as their 'best friend'. I'm learning now to not make an effort as I always have. I'm known as the thoughtful one in my family - 'she always puts in so much effort' but it's never returned.
I guess I just feel deflated. This hen weekend proved to me that I have lots of acquaintances/friends but not a true friend. No-one is ever going to be the friend that I am to them so maybe that's what is more upsetting? I don't know. Do I give too much and expect too much back?
Is anyone else like this or experienced this? I don't wanna stop being the nice guy because I like who I am, I just don't like having that exploited..
Tldr; lots of friends but I'm not treated in the same way I treat them and feeling more and more like I don't have any close friends.
Submitted November 05, 2018 at 12:06AM by heygotanygrapess https://ift.tt/2D4SNKo
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