I'm [25/M] tired of my sister's [30/F] ridiculous relationships. New BF [probably 30, M and VERY gay] is another in a long, seedy, line.

My sister has an amazing penchant for picking the wrong guy. If she had to choose between "Average Guy #1" and "Criminal" she'd choose criminal because "no way would Average Guy #1 go for a gal like me!". Honestly, ever since I was a just a teen, I can remember her boyfriends vividly - there was the guy who tried to steal my parent's car; the guy who was sure that the middle east wasn't real and would have a panic attack when anyone said otherwise; there was the activist who wound-up charged with multiple rapes; there was the "doctor" who wasn't a doctor at all but a janitor. There was the international business mogul who traveled a lot but was actually an uber driver with a wife. And there was the "Importer/Exporter" who always had fancy gifts - all of it stolen. Random set of watches, vitamins, bedding, gourmet food that was in distribution boxes, random car parts and electronics. He went "underground" and she never heard from him again. Safe to say, if my sister is dating you, there's a problem. Get help.

And of course, I am now somehow mediator-designate for my family's Thanksgiving.

I met my sister's most recent boyfriend about a month ago. He was certainly surprising. He was dressed like a 12 year old girl. Baseball cap with with rim folded upwards, with an ironic t-shirt mocking a YouTube celebrity, pants that were 4 or 5 sizes too small (and girl's jeans) with enough decorative jewelry for two women. He was also drowning in women's perfume - the same one my GF uses (she had to stop using it, it was too creepy). I thought this was my sister's way of coming out to us until he said his name, let's call him "Ralph" and made a joke about how we were the "only dudes at the table." My older sister who was there at the time looked at me with a befuddled expression.

Ralph is a very open person - he also had no compunction about hitting on me during our dinner (in front of his GF/my sister and my family) and his European "peck on the cheek" came preposterously close to becoming a French kiss. I can still taste his chapstick. Ugh. All he could ask me was about where I go to grad school and why I don't go to [insert various gay bar/club]. He can't understand that taking two trains and walking a few blocks for a beer isn't something I'm going to do. He is handsy and kept touching me, I realize what women must go through with handsy dudes. It's really unpleasant.The guy is another in a long line of creeps who've marked my sister as someone with incredibly low self-esteem who'll look the other way about minor details like "being a criminal" or "being gay". Ralph all but stuck his tongue down my throat - he even held the back of my head when he kissed me goodbye. To this day I can't believe she didn't think it weird.

EVERY single time we go through this, we have to go through the same damn routine: Someone raises an issue about her current BF. She says we're being exclusionary and mean. We tell her we've yet to be wrong and outline the facts of the case. She cries, goes no-contact for a month or two and then comes slinking back when what we said was true. Then she pretends nothing was said and we're all expected to pretend all is well. Here's the thing, some of her boyfriends were involved in violent affairs and we don't want her hurt. I also don't want her hurt in this instance but for different reasons. If we say nothing, she would eventually marry these people - the guy who tried to steal my father's car proposed to her and she said yes AFTER it came to light he had tried to steal a car. He thought if they were engaged that she wouldn't be able to testify - they didn't need her to. They had evidence of dozens of other crimes and he was locked up. HE dumped HER from inside PRISON. After that, we realized she'd marry these people if we don't say something.

My main problem is, my sister and I are close - we were buddies growing up and inseparable until she left at 18. I always looked up to her and she was my protector and my first and best friend. It's fallen on me to talk to her about her relationships. I had to break it to her that one guy tried to steal my father's car. I had to break it to her that her last BF was giving us stolen goods (I fortunately had evidence). I no longer want to be the guy who has to talk to her about this. I'm tired of the same rigamarole. I love my sister, I really do - she will be in my wedding when I get married and will always be a part of my life, but I can't deal with her boyfriends. I can't deal with another Thanksgiving where the whole family sits in awkward silence. My GF does not speak to her family and she's adopted mine as hers, so she can't wait for Turkey and fam time. I'm just dreading it.

What do I do in this situation? I want the best for my sister and I want to make sure she's safe but I'm tired of being thrust into the middle of an absolute shitshow, especially when I just want to eat turkey and drink gravy.

tl;dr sister always selects the worst boyfriends. Then it falls on me to tell her why they're scumbags, deal with the fallout and console her when its true. Her boyfriends have been total zilches and the most recent guy is very obviously gay and unashamed to make a pass at a man - including her younger brother. Tired of the same shit and don't know what to do.

Submitted November 19, 2018 at 06:06AM by does_eat_oates https://ift.tt/2KgPIYW